Dave Barry Gift Guide

November 24, 2013

FACE SLIMMER MOUTHPIECE

This is the perfect holiday gift to give when you want to send the message: "Your face is fat."

$62 plus shipping and handling from japantrendshop.com

Suggested by Ken Fineberg of Columbia, S.C.; Chuck Cody of Columbus, Ohio; Ryan Jentzsch of Saint George, Utah; Jeff Meyerson of Brooklyn N.Y.; Janice Gelb of Melbourne, Australia

This is the perfect holiday gift to give when you want to send the message: "Your face is fat." This Face Slimmer Exercise Mouthpiece is made in Japan, a nation famous for being totally non-weird. According to the import-company website, all you do is insert this mouthpiece, then for three minutes make "mouth movements" and "say vowel sounds out loud over and over again," and voilà, like magic you will look like a lunatic with some kind of hideous lip disease. But when you take the mouthpiece out, you will look youthful and vibrant, at least according to the import company, and we see no reason why it would lie.

Next gift: HOODIE PILLOW CASE

DAVE BARRY 2013 GIFT GUIDE

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