Dave Barry

Dave Barry

Classic ’99: How I was laid low in the red-light district

Here, as promised last week, is the second and final part of my report on the fact-finding mission I took to the Netherlands this summer to increase international understanding, a cause that as the great humanitarian Florence Nightingale so often pointed out as she toiled among the sick and wounded-is tax-deductible if you write about it.

Dave Barry

Classic ’99: Don’t miss my slide show of historic cheeses

As a molder of public opinion, I regularly go on fact-finding missions to foreign countries located outside of the United States. I then report my findings to you in the sincere hope that I can improve international understanding by deducting the entire cost of my mission, including beer, on my income taxes.

Dave Barry

Classic ’99: State of vida loca

A few weeks ago, we asked you, our readers, to help us design a new state - the state of Miami-Dade. You responded magnificently, sending us many, many ideas, including some that we can actually print in the newspaper.

Dave Barry

Classic ’98: Ho-ho-ho and a bottle of rum

Ho ho ho! ‘Tis the Christmas season, a time of festivity and fun and credit-card statements the length of The Brothers Karamazov. It’s also a time when the publications at supermarket-checkout counters are chock-full of articles featuring creative holiday craft ideas, with headlines like: ``JFK JR. TELLS OPRAH: CAST OF `FRIENDS’ ATE MY BABY!’‘

Dave Barry

Classic ’99: Watch where you stick that light saber, pal

It's coming! Put your ear to the page and listen.... BOM-bom! Bom bom bom BOM-bom! Bom bom bom BOM bom! Bom bom bom bom . . . . That's right: It's the theme from Star Wars, the movie series that gave the world a whole new lexicon, including such phrases as ``the Force,'' ``Death Star,'' ``light saber,'' ``lexicon'' and ``licensed merchandise.''

Dave Barry

Classic ’99: Indiana Dave and the circle of doom

The mysterious Miami Circle .... What is it? Who made it? Why did they make it? Did they have building permits? And most important of all, can we South Floridians - who have far too often, in pursuit of profit, trampled on our precious past - find some way to cash in on it?

Dave Barry

Classic ’99: The committee: Rockers, Heloise, and my gum man

Several months ago, I asked the question: Who should be our next president? Should we elect yet another member of what future historians, looking back on late-20th-Century American political leadership, will refer to as ``The Long String of Bozos''? Or should we have the courage and wisdom to boldly change course and place the future of our great nation - and, yes, the world - into the capable, experienced hands of a professional humor columnist?

About Dave Barry

Dave Barry

@rayadverb

Dave Barry has been at the Herald since 1983. A Pulitzer Prize winner for commentary, he writes about everything from the international economy to exploding toilets.

Dave Barry's Blog

Dave Barry’s 2017 Holiday Gift Guide

The challenge, in this hectic season, is always to find enough unnecessary things for all the people on our gift list. That’s where this Holiday Gift Guide comes in. We sincerely believe that you will not find a collection of products this useless