Forget fitness and farmers markets. Tropical Park needs Santa’s Enchanted Wharf

People of Miami: Westchester deserves a fresh place to get lit. And Santa’s Enchanted Wharf should be that place.

Santa’s Enchanted Wharf does not yet exist except in our imaginations, which were ignited when a Miami Herald story reported that the developer of Wharf Miami is considering a bid to take over our favorite super ratchet, uber-Miami holiday destination at Tropical Park.

We were sad to think of the end of Santa’s Enchanted Forest, which is famous for Ferris Wheel gender reveals, dioramas created before the birth of Jesus and Porto Potties where you may or may not run the risk of catching scabies.

But think of the possibilities! Wharf Miami, a popular dining and drinking destination on the Miami River, has already opened a second location on the Fort Lauderdale riverfront. Westchester could be next.

But developer Alexis Mantecon says he won’t be transforming Santa’s Enchanted Forest into The Wharf West. Instead, his new additions would include “fitness, health and other uses synonymous with what you would expect in a traditional park.” There could even be equestrian events and a farmers market.

Our dreams of warm nights taking selfies and hanging out amid overpriced food trucks and derivative DJs wilted like the kale nobody wants to buy. Fitness? We want fun. Farmers market? We shop at Sedano’s. Also, what’s an equestrian?

We appreciate that Mantecon wants to protect the integrity of the park. But we’re tired of driving all the way to the Miami River to act cool, and we’ve already gone over our Lyft budget for 2020. Why can’t we be cool right here in Westchester?

Sure, we have Dos Croquetas, and we appreciate the fact we can eat croquetas so fancy someone created a craft beer to complement them. And there’s always Night Owl Cookies. But it’s time to take it to the next level.

Even the name works: The Santa’s Enchanted Forest property is home to a small body of water of indeterminate origin. Maybe it’s a lake or just a puddle that fills up when it rains a lot. We’re not sure. But water! Like a real wharf.

So please, if we have to say goodbye to our magical, seedy Christmas wonderland, can’t we at least lounge in hipster heaven? Doral is getting a Doral Yard. Kendall has a barcade and an ice cream ventanita. Surely Westchester deserves a shot at greatness.