With a total area of four square miles, Westchester is a little slice of suburban heaven. And, as someone who was proudly raised there, I take umbrage when Westchester is confused with dumpster fire Kendall. Or when Hialeah and Little Havana claim to be THE most Cuban places.
The realest of the real know Westchester truly deserves the title.
So, let’s right a few wrongs and talk about some of the things that make The ‘Chester so wonderful and life affirming:
Santa’s Enchanted Forest
BRO, fight me if you don’t agree. This place has EVERYTHING. Christmas lights. Fried food. Carnival rides. A jingle that will forever haunt you. It’s a Miami staple. A rite of passage. A Westchester institution.
All this food
Sure, you can hit up Rio Cristal, Sergio’s, La Carreta or El Palacio de Los Jugos for some bomb Cuban food (if you come in here telling me Versailles is life, I’ll have to kindly ask you to GTFO). But Westchester has SO much to offer when it comes to other types of Latin cuisine. Pueblito Viejo and Mao got you when you’re craving Colombian. El Atlakat will welcome you with open arms when you want Salvadoran. Want authentic Mexican? Give El Maguey a spin. For the fancy AF crowd, Graziano’s has the churrasco you really, really want. Gotta have Chilean? Head over to Pamela’s. The point is, the limit does not exist when it comes to Westchester’s Latin yum yums.
Westchester homes are a great deal, and usually have 7500 square feet of yard space, so none of that zero lot nonsense that Kendall loves. Just try to forget that most Westchester homes come with their own (that’s a poop emoji) storage bunkers (aka septic tanks).
We have sidewalks
You’re like “Who cares you have sidewalks?” If you haven’t noticed, sidewalks are a hot commodity in suburban Miami. Like, nobody has them.
While the ‘Chester isn’t all sidewalk all the time, we have more than you, Kendall.
Anyone who’s anyone knows that whenever a major Miami event occurs (i.e. sports championship; communist leader dying; Cuban child getting sent back to Cuba after his mother perishes at sea trying to escape an oppressive regime) THE place to gather is in front of La Carreta on Bird Road and 87th Avenue. True story: I saw Pitbull there in 2006 when the Miami Heat won their first National Championship. #goodtimes
Chinese Dim Sum
Need a dim sum fix? Tropical Chinese and Kon Chau are located within blocks of one another, so you don’t even have to leave the comfort of Bird Road to eat some of the best Chinese food in South Florida.
Big Lebowski life
If you don’t know about Bird Bowl, you don’t know about life. It’s got bowling. It’s got billiards. It’s got arcade games. It’s got people watching. And it’s cheaper than those bougie bowling alleys in Sunset Place or Dolphin Mall.
This hill at Tropical Park
You can’t call yourself a true Miamian until you’ve rolled down “the hill.” Or tried to ride bike (yes, I said ride bike) or skate down it. If you don’t have a scar from The Hill, you missed childhood entirely.
Adult Day Care
In Westchester we honor our viejitos. By honor them, I mean we put them in little buses and let them hang out during the day playing dominoes and getting their blood pressure checked every hour while munching on pastelitos at the local centro para mayores. Our small ‘hood has the highest concentration of centers for the elderly so they can live out their golden years like a boss.
I shouldn’t even being sharing this intel because Westchester lovers in the know all flock to Maruchi, a women’s clothing outlet, for all our discount fashion. It’ll come in super clutch because it has everything you would ever want to clothe your naked body in plus you don’t have to go to the mall.
We’re holier than thou – literally
Via http://www.sjvcs.eduLook at all those priests!Westchester has not one but two Catholic schools (St. Brendan and Columbus High School). But that’s not all. Westchester is so sanctified that it even has its own priests. That would be the bros from St. John Vianney College Seminary. Westchester is getting all the prayers. Hallelujier!
He graduated from Coral Park Senior High therefore we can claim him as ours.
Therefore: Westchester > Everybody.