Dave Barry

Dave Barry

Classic '96: Mucus and a tight pair of chinos

One great thing about playing host to the Olympics is that you get a chance to show the world the unique facets of your nation's culture. For example, at the 1994 Winter Olympics in Lillehammer, the world discovered that Norwegian culture features an enormous amount of snow.

Dave Barry

Classic '96: Commencement address

Members of the Class of 1996, as I stand here before you, gazing out upon your eager young faces, watching me so intently, the question that comes to my mind is: What if I have to scratch myself? I'd have to distract you somehow, perhaps by . . . HEY! LOOK OVER THERE! THE UNABOMBER!

Dave Barry

Classic '96: Comet fever

I guess everybody wants to hear about how I almost got killed by a possibly supernatural being. This happened about a month ago, and I blame Comet Hyakutake.

Dave Barry

Classic '96: A dogged expedition

Spring is here, and I'm thinking about camping. Don't misunderstand me: I'm not thinking about actually going camping, in the sense of venturing outdoors and turning my body into an All-U-Can-Eat buffet for insects. I'm just thinking about camping.

Dave Barry

Classic '96: The idiot box

The V-chip. A helpful tool for concerned parents? A threat to the First Amendment? An excuse for sentences without verbs? These are some of the questions raised by the recently passed federal law that will require new television sets to contain a little computer thing called a V-chip (the "V" stands for "Some word that begins with 'V' ").

Dave Barry

Classic '96: Of democracy, and almost being trampled to death

The eight leading Republican presidential contenders squared off in a televised debate here the other night, giving New Hampshire voters, as well as millions of viewers across the nation, an opportunity to watch Friends.  I thought the debate went very well, except for the part when I almost got killed.

Dave Barry

Classic '96: Mr. Tax Man

It's income-tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.

Dave Barry

Dave Barry: Brain chips, porn, good food ... and, oh, yeah, the candidates

I watched the Republican debate in the press facility here, and it was excellent. I don’t mean the debate was excellent; I mean the press facility was. I’ve been coming to the New Hampshire primaries since 1984, and back then WARNING WARNING OLD-FART RANT AHEAD the press would be jammed into some dingy back room and fed surplus baloney sandwiches left over from the Korean Conflict. Also we did not have the Internet, so when we needed facts, we had to make them up manually.

About Dave Barry

Dave Barry

@rayadverb

Dave Barry has been at the Herald since 1983. A Pulitzer Prize winner for commentary, he writes about everything from the international economy to exploding toilets.

Dave Barry's Blog

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Video: Dave Barry goes searching for protesters on the campaign trail

Miami Herald columnist Dave Barry goes in search of protesters in New Hampshire - the "live free or die" state - and ends up in a gaggle of passionate Ted Cruz fans.
Natalie Fertig McClatchy
Video: Dave Barry goes searching for protesters on the campaign trail 1:38

Video: Dave Barry goes searching for protesters on the campaign trail

Don Mattingly reacts to Marlins' 3rd win in 4 games over the Cubs 7:35

Don Mattingly reacts to Marlins' 3rd win in 4 games over the Cubs

Jose Fernandez talks about his start against the Cubs 9:11

Jose Fernandez talks about his start against the Cubs

Priest details scary encounter at Spanish Monastery 1:14

Priest details scary encounter at Spanish Monastery