Dave Barry

Dave Barry

@rayadverb

Classic '95: Why kids smoke

As a ranking national opinion-maker (currently in 1,539th place, between Tony Danza and Lamar Alexander), I would like to do my part for President Clinton's campaign to get teenagers to stop smoking cigarettes. Ready? Here goes:

Dave Barry

Classic '95: That does not compute

Welcome to Komputer Korner, the column designed for technological morons such as -- no offense -- you. We can safely assume that you're a "low-tech" individual, because you're reading this article in a newspaper, which is a primitive medium invented thousands of years ago by ancient Egyptians who wanted to be able to read Ann Landers.

Dave Barry

Classic '95: The Heart of the Country

It was a hot, blue-sky, green-corn July day in Madison County, Iowa. I was driving along a dusty gravel road when I saw the farmhouse. Something inside me -- call it a hunch; call it an instinct; call it a deep-rooted yearning to have a good anecdote with which to start this article -- told me that this was the right place to ask directions to the Roseman covered bridge.

Dave Barry

Classic '95: The smell of trouble

If you're looking for a vacation travel destination that blends excitement with huge amounts of corn, I strongly recommend Iowa. I recently spent a few days there, and I can honestly say that it was comparable to experiences I have had in sophisticated prestige travel destinations such as Paris, France, in the sense that I was not once engulfed by hog manure.

Dave Barry

Classic '95: Road Hazards

Automobiles are a mixed blessing. On the one hand, they provide us with benefits that were undreamed-of in the "horse-and-buggy" days. For example, any time we get hungry, we can simply hop into the car, pull up to the drive-through window of a fast-food restaurant, purchase a tasty hot meal, spill our coffee on our thighs and sue a major corporation for millions of dollars.

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