Dave Barry

Dave Barry

Classic '97: Want to discover the law of gravity? Start with a tree named Bob

Settle back, because today I'm going to tell you the dramatic true story of what happened when some Japanese researchers decided to re-create the historic discovery of the law of gravity: As you recall, this discovery occurred in an English orchard in 1666, when, according to legend, Isaac Newton, the brilliant mathematician, fell out of a tree and landed on an apple.

Dave Barry

Classic '97: Ragtop man

I got a convertible. Now I know what you're going to say. You're going to say: ''Dave, you pathetic fool, you're 49 and you're having a midlife crisis. Trade that thing in immediately and get a car more suitable for a person your age, such as a 1910 Hupmobile with air bags.'

Dave Barry

Classic '97: Self-mashed potatoes

Two dramatic recent developments have demonstrated, once again, why these are such exciting times in which to be a vegetable. For openers, scientists have finally realized one of humanity's oldest dreams -- the dream of creating, in the laboratory, a potato that commits suicide.

Dave Barry

Classic '97: 'POOD': A word for tiny poodle

OK, here's a nostalgia question: What childhood game does this remind you of? ''Colonel Mustard in the library with a candlestick.'' If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood. 

Dave Barry

Classic '97: Safe on the slopes

Here's a fun winter vacation idea: Why not go skiing? If you answered, ''Because I don't want to spend the next two years in a full-body cast,'' then I have good news: Thanks to modern, high-tech ski equipment originally developed for use by U.S. astronauts, 72 percent of all skiers are able to walk with assistance in less than 10 months!

Dave Barry

All Together: Moolah over Miami

Originally published Friday, January 10, 1997. Finally, some GOOD NEWS for Miami!  I'm talking about the Brinks truck that overturned on I-95 Wednesday, dumping hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of actual cash money onto the streets.  This is a good thing. This is a thing that we can point to with pride when the international news media start carping about how Miami is broke and corrupt and crime-ridden.

Dave Barry

Classic '96: King of the road

Here's the problem: If you stop 100 people at random and ask them to evaluate their driving ability, every single one will say ''above average.'' It is a scientific fact that all drivers, including those who are going the wrong way on interstate highways, believe they are above average.

Dave Barry

Classic '96: Fork in the etiquette road

TODAY'S ETIQUETTE TOPIC IS: Proper Table (burp) Manners. I have here a letter from Jean Gerdes, who teaches Family and Consumer Science to sixth-graders at the Donegal Middle School in Marietta, Pa. She states:  ''I would like to ask your help in teaching my students the importance of good manners."

Dave Barry

Classic '96: Nature bites back

If you're looking to get away from civilization and experience the serenity that comes from being out in nature's wilderness beauty and having the vast majority of the blood sucked out of your body, then you should rent a houseboat in the Everglades.

Dave Barry

Classic '96: Big fat coverup

Recently, a reader named Jim Cornell sent me a postcard with a picture of insects on it, posing an interesting question. (No, the insects were not posing a question. As far as I know.)

Dave Barry

The tile that binds

Today's topic for homeowners is: how to install a tile floor. Any home decorator will tell you that there is nothing quite like a tile floor for transforming an ordinary room into an ordinary room that has tile on the floor. But if you're like most homeowners, you think that laying tile is a job for the ''pros.'' Boy, are you ever stupid! Because the truth is that anybody can do it! All it takes is a little planning, the right materials and a Fire Rescue unit.

Dave Barry

Classic '96: Fire in the belly

So I went to the U.S. Open tennis tournament, which is a big tennis event in New York City, which by the way has gotten much nicer. I say this because, as I was getting out of a taxi, I was startled by the sound of a woman's voice, coming from somewhere behind me, saying something like, ''Please check for your personal belongings!''

Dave Barry Gift Guide

Dave Barry's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide

The challenge, in this hectic season, is always to find enough unnecessary things for all the people on our gift list. That’s where this Holiday Gift Guide comes in. We sincerely believe that you will not find a collection of products this useless anywhere else. These are all real products; we did not make them up. You can actually buy them. – Dave Barry

About Dave Barry

Dave Barry

@rayadverb

Dave Barry has been at the Herald since 1983. A Pulitzer Prize winner for commentary, he writes about everything from the international economy to exploding toilets.

Dave Barry's Blog

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Dave Barry's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide

The challenge, in this hectic season, is always to find enough unnecessary things for all the people on our gift list. That’s where this Holiday Gift Guide comes in. We sincerely believe that you will not find a collection of products this useless anywhere else. These are all real products; we did not make them up. You can actually buy them. – Dave Barry
Justin Azpiazu
Dave Barry's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide 5:48

Dave Barry's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide

Dave Barry goes searching for protesters on the campaign trail 1:38

Dave Barry goes searching for protesters on the campaign trail

White House: Trump has 'left everything on the field' for health care bill 1:11

White House: Trump has 'left everything on the field' for health care bill

Epcot International Food & Wine Festival 4:17

Epcot International Food & Wine Festival