Miami doctor advises patient to make a penis splint out of Popsicle sticks...We can’t make this up

South Florida, when will you learn? 

Quack plastic surgeons are running amok in this city, filling faces with toxins, botching Brazilian buttlifts and messing up penis surgeries. In the case of former South Florida plastic surgeon Mark Schreiber, the list of offenses against the human body dates back to 1998, according to the Miami Herald. 

Schreiber’s medical license was revoked in 2006, but that didn’t stop the wannabe surgeon from stacking his coins. He continued to inject illegally imported silicone from Colombia into people’s butts at a Miami medispa. One of those procedures cost him $1 million after a patient claimed she suffered “permanent injuries” from a botched Brazilian butt lift.

But it wasn’t just butt jobs that put Schreiber in headlines this week.  Schreiber ascends to the upper echelons of awful Miami plastic surgeons because of how badly he botched a “penis filler” operation in 2015. 

The Miami Herald reported that Schreiber attempted to correct the work of another doctor who had botched a penis filler operation. After Schreiber’s procedure, the patient went home under the impression that he had a new and improved peen, but instead: 

He discovered “blood-soaked bandages” and that his penis has been “mutilated,” according to court documents. The victim sent text-message photos of his mangled genitals to Schreiber, police said.

“At that point, rather than referring that gentleman to a hospital … he recommends to take two Popsicle sticks and tie his penis together and wait for swelling to go down,” a Miami-Dade prosecutor said at a hearing last year.

A Popsicle stick splint. Really? What was the patient supposed to do: Go to the craft store really quick? Eat a few Fudgsicles from the fridge?

Only in South Florida would a man who lost his medical license more than a decade ago still be inside a medispa injecting botulism into people’s downstairs. 

The takeaway: Stop using sketchy doctors, Miamians. 

This story was originally published October 3, 2017 at 12:10 AM with the headline "Miami doctor advises patient to make a penis splint out of Popsicle sticks...We can’t make this up."