How the bleep did this van end up on top of that car at the Total Wine in Kendall?

Even by Kendall standards, this kind of parking seems insane.
Even by Kendall standards, this kind of parking seems insane.

We all know by now that Kendall is special. But we didn’t realize that even the laws of physics operate differently in this famous strip-mall-saturated, census-designated area.

This weekend, a Kia van ended up on top of a Corolla in the parking lot of the Total Wine store at The Palms at Town & Country mall.

A photo of the bizarre sight taken by Tere Figueras Negrete and shared to social media went viral late Saturday afternoon. We could only speculate on how it happened. A rush on rose? Ecstasy brought on by the siren song of Cabernet Sauvignon?

The police report about the incident is not yet available. But Officer Alvaro Zabaleta, the public information officer for the Miami-Dade Police Department, has a theory.

“I was shopping there on Saturday and walked out and saw the two cars and was like ‘Wait a minute! What happened here?’” Zabaleta said.

How does this happen, you ask? It takes a special Miami driver to pull this move off. Tere Figueras Negrete

Like the rest of us, Zabaleta couldn’t stop thinking about the photo. He kept looking at the picture. He talked to his wife about it.

“And then, bam! It hit me,” Zabaleta said.

His theory? The van was parked at the front of the store, in the spaces that are hidden by the bushes in the photo (a handicapped parking sign shows there is a row of additional spaces there).

Zabaleta speculates that the driver of the van put the vehicle in reverse to pull out of his spot and accidentally gunned the accelerator.

The van hit the curb, bounced up and landed on top of the Corolla.

This theory explains why there is no rear damage to the unfortunate Corolla. Of course, it’s entirely possible that the time-space continuum was ruptured and the Corolla just materialized under the SUV. We’re not ruling anything out. This is Kendall.

What is happening? Tere Figueras Negrete

Either way, though, it’s bad news for the Corolla driver. Because the incident happened on private property and no one was injured (except for the tragic Corolla), the driver of the van will probably only be cited for careless driving, which carries a fine of $160-$500 and four points to the driver’s license.

Somebody get the Corolla driver a bottle of wine, please.

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