People in Miami like to trash talk Kendall. They say a lot of bad things. Like:
1. Kendall is a suburban wasteland of strip malls and subdivisions.
2. There’s nothing to do in Kendall.
3. Janky people are from Kendall.
4. Kendall sucks.
5. My mom lives in Kendall. I live in Brickell with five roommates.
6. What is Kendall?
If you don’t know what Kendall is, here’s a quick primer: Kendall isn’t one actual neighborhood. Or even a city, although the U.S. Census has defined its boundaries. Look at this map:
They are claiming all the area south of the Snapper Creek canal from US 1 to the Turnpike ending just north of Richmond Heights. But the truth is no one knows where Kendall begins and no one knows where it ends. All we know is that it is a magical place where only good things happen.
Here are all of Kendall’s finer attributes:
You don’t ever have to worry about event traffic
If you are stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on Kendall Drive, rest assured there is an accident ahead. There are no stadiums, performing arts theaters or mega clubs clogging up traffic because there are no stadiums, performing arts theaters or mega clubs in Kendall.
You will always find parking
What is the point of living in suburban sprawl if you can’t drive your Hummer a quarter of a mile to a Publix plaza and find a spot right out front? And we will waste half a tank of gas circling the lot for that prime spot. Walking is for suckers.
Affordable golf courses
The weekend rate at Killian Greens for 18 holes is only $45. If you walk the whole course it costs only $24. That’s a fraction of what fancy-pants places like The Biltmore charge. Just try not to get run over by some idiot driver speeding down Killian Parkway when you have to hit holes 10 through 13.
There is a secret highway in Kendall
Have you ever heard of the Snapper Creek Expressway? No? I’ve said too much.
The dream of ’80s is alive in Kendall
There is a quad skate roller rink (Super Wheels), an ice skating rink ( the boringly named Kendall Ice Arena) and a legit arcade where you can play Frogger and Galaga (Arcade Odyssey). Kendall also has two skate parks. You could set a John Hughes movie in Kendall.
There’s a buzzy restaurant
Singular. We are talking, of course about Ghee, a restaurant with a James Beard Award nominated chef at the helm (Niven Patel). Don’t say you are in Dadeland, Ghee. You are in Kendall. Let’s not even mention the fact that he opened another Ghee in Design District. Can’t we have anything just for ourselves?
Basic attire is our uniform
Flip flops and activewear make up the wardrobe for being out and about in Kendall. On weekends, we pull out that discounted Michael Kors dress we got at TJ Maxx.
You’ve never heard of Dandy Bear? It’s like Chuck E. Cheese but with broken glass. This is an indoor playland of fun, where someone thought it would be smart to have an unsupervised indoor zip line. It has since been removed.
Kendall is super Instagrammable
Forget Wynwood. Kendall is ripe with opportunities to be Insta-famous. Take the La Carreta rooster, for example. He is conveniently located right by the parking lot. #cafecito #ventanita #parqueo #nofilter