Things To Do

The Spring Breakers are here. Here’s how to avoid them altogether

By Madeleine Marr
Jennifer Guardia, 21, pours a beer down a funnel for Patricia Daza, 22, as spring breakers gather on South Beach on Tuesday, March 10, 2015.
Jennifer Guardia, 21, pours a beer down a funnel for Patricia Daza, 22, as spring breakers gather on South Beach on Tuesday, March 10, 2015. Al Diaz Miami Herald File

Get ready. They’re coming.

Hoards of spring breakers are already either here or on their way, and you either have to join them or get out of the way.

This year is reportedly going to be the most crowded spring break Florida has ever seen.

The season’s already in full swing, and lasts about six weeks until mid-April.

Do all the party happy interlopers mean that you can’t enjoy your home? Why should you suffer if you chose to live where others vacation (and act foolish)?

We looked into our archives to hunt down places where you can hide, um, have fun, and avoid the riff-raff.

How to avoid spring break:

Head to South Dade

MILKSHAKES: Customers, like Bruce MacFarlane, come from miles around for one of Knaus Berry Farm’s milkshakes, which come in standard flavors like vanilla, chocolate and strawberry, and exotic like mango and other seasonal favorites.
MILKSHAKES: Customers, like Bruce MacFarlane, come from miles around for one of Knaus Berry Farm’s milkshakes, which come in standard flavors like vanilla, chocolate and strawberry, and exotic like mango and other seasonal favorites. Allison Diaz For the Miami Herald

What? Where? Take it from us: The southernmost part of the county is not just strip malls, Dollar Trees and Chili’s. It can actually pretty darn cool. There’s even a winery down there. Spring breakers don’t do wineries, yo.

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Happy hours

When life gets too hard and when you realize you’ll never fit into a bikini again, it’s time to turn to your oldest and dearest friend: alcohol. Check out our picks below, just avoid the whole section on Miami Beach.

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Head to Palm Beach County

Gas up your car and drive north. Do not pass go, until you leave both Dade and Broward counties. Here are picks on what to do when you arrive:

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Escape to Key West

All that relaxing in Key West can make you really thirsty -- for happy hour deals.
All that relaxing in Key West can make you really thirsty -- for happy hour deals. Miami Herald Archives

Why should spring breakers have all the fun? You’re entitled to some me time, too. Flee to one of the most fun places on earth. Hemingway even thought it was cool. We scoured and found you some great happy hour deals.

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Visit a food hall

St. Roch Market, a New Orleans import, acts as a food hall and test kitchen for local chefs before they open stand-alone restaurants.
St. Roch Market, a New Orleans import, acts as a food hall and test kitchen for local chefs before they open stand-alone restaurants.

Fact: Spring breakers drink mass quantities and stay close to the ocean. You’re safe at any of these fancy, indoor spots. Eat, drink and be merry — in A/C.

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Hit a wine bar

Like we said, these party people will be tapping kegs and doing tequila shots. Resolve to stay civilized and hit up some of these fine wine tastings in our city. Our suggestions:

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Eat like a local

Our James Beard Award-winning food writer tells us how to eat like a local in Miami. That obviously means we will be eating at Palacio de los Jugos.
Our James Beard Award-winning food writer tells us how to eat like a local in Miami. That obviously means we will be eating at Palacio de los Jugos.

Spring breakers will be hitting all the Ocean Drive haunts and ordering pizza. Let them have that strip while you use this time to explore our James Beard Award-winning Food Editor’s favorite Miami restaurants.

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This story was originally published March 15, 2019 at 12:19 PM.

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