Sorry, Miami: Broward is a lot more interested in sex than you are, study says

Miami may pride itself on being the sexiest city in Florida, and who’s going to argue? Tallahassee? Pensacola? Sopchoppy?

But Miami is mistaken. It is the good people of Broward County who are super thirsty for love (or at least a reasonable silicone facsimile).

A recent study on “the Horniest Cities in America” — don’t blame us for that name; we didn’t commission this data analysis — reports that of the top 10 most aroused cities in the country, two are from Broward and none are from Miami-Dade. This comes as a blow to Miami’s ego that not even a trip to Club Pink Pussycat can cure.

The study comes from Lawnstarter.com, which knows a thing or two about hot and sweaty servicing. The website, which helps people find lawn care and is apparently well-versed in the ways of sex toys, compares 200 U.S. cities based on nine indicators of sexual arousal. No, none involved naked gardening, which is too bad because Miami crushes at naked gardening.

The study did take into account such metrics as the size of the singles population, access to adult entertainment venues and supplies and number of sex toy purchases.

Spotting Fort Lauderdale at No. 6 on the top 10 list may not be terribly surprising. After all, the beach there was the spring break capital of the world for your parents, who spent their formative years entering banana-eating contests and engaging in other unwholesome activities at such venues as the legendary Candy Store. They binge-drank, behaved poorly and thanked God cellphones hadn’t been invented yet. We are pretty sure they conceived you on the train at Birch State Park.

But finding quiet Hollywood on the list as the No. 3 most inflamed city is disconcerting. We did not think anybody did anything in Hollywood except walk their dogs and sigh with relief that the old Young Circle Publix was gone. We thought they got excited about Wawas, not tatas. Clearly we thought wrong.

The most overstimulated city, according to Lawnstarter? Paradise, Nevada, just outside of Las Vegas, thanks to its 8 billion sex shops/adult entertainment venues. The rest of the top 10: Orange, California; Providence; Atlanta; Newark; Dayton, Ohio; Tempe, Arizona and Baltimore.

Lackluster Miami was a pathetic No. 48, behind even Hialeah at No. 28. But cheer up, Miami. Your libidos may be flagging, but at least you’re not Texas, where only two cities made the top 100.