We’re never going to do a jigsaw puzzle during quarantine. And neither should you
We have learned many important lessons during the coronavirus pandemic. Ways to walk around the neighborhood without being annoying. The best method for hosting virtual happy hours. That we don’t have to wear bras if we work at home. How to avoid being the worst person in quarantine.
We have also learned we will never, ever do jigsaw puzzles.
Ever.
We realize we may be in the minority here, as we watch formerly sane friends and family post photos of their finished puzzles proudly on social media the way they used to post photos of their kids, grandkids or cats.
In this time of social distancing, puzzles are booming. CNBC reported during the first week of April that the COVID-19 lockdown has sent sales of jigsaw puzzles skyrocketing, with gamemaker Ravensburger reporting that sales increased 370 percent in two weeks.
Online shops rush to announce the news as soon as they have new puzzles for sale. Popular puzzles on Amazon won’t be in stock until mid-summer. Herald columnist Dave Barry confessed he was an early adopter, willing to brave coughing hordes for a shot at bringing one home.
But us? We respectfully decline. Because we are already working very hard to not to die of boredom.
But there are other reasons we refuse to capitulate to the tyranny of the puzzle. All those pieces trigger PTSD from that time we couldn’t even make one side of the Rubik’s Cube the same color. We want to use our dining room table for dining, because we are eating 17 times a day. We know we will lose a piece and live forever without closure.
We know that when you have finished the puzzle, all you have left is ... a puzzle.
We just don’t get it.
In fact, here is a list all the things we will do before we try to put together a jigsaw puzzle:
- Paint the house
- Learn to fold a fitted sheet
- Attend your virtual poetry reading
- Run a marathon in the back yard
- Watch that Rob Schneider show on Netflix
- Finally do the Don’t Rush TikTok Challenge even though it means we have to put on makeup for the first time in months
- Read “Infinite Jest”
- Start journaling
- Play virtual Dungeons & Dragons with that super nerdy friend
- Match all the Tupperware lids to their containers
- Adjust the sprinkler heads
- Organize sock drawer
- Clean all baseboards with a Q Tip
- Walk around the newly re-opened parks even though no one has a mask and everyone is coughing
- Count the stars in the sky
Sit and stare hopelessly at nothing
We know this pandemic may stretch on through summer, but we are prepared to avoid puzzles all the way through August if we have to. At that point, it will be peak hurricane season, and we will be busy watching The Weather Channel for Cone of Death updates.