LOL

Florida’s worst creatures, ranked by how often they haunt our nightmares

By Connie Ogle

Updated January 11, 2022 10:49 AM

The day this thing shows up in your yard is the day you move to Minnesota.

Here in Florida there are more horrible creatures roaming around than you even want to think about. And that’s not even counting Knicks fans.

Reptiles pop up in toilets. Spiders colonize our sheds. And don’t even get us started on the flying cockroaches that aim straight for our hair after takeoff.

But of all the awful non-human animals that live here, which is the worst? Which creatures haunt your nightmares (or at least keep you reconsidering that move to Minnesota)?

We are giving you a chance to vote on it, Miami. Check out our list of contenders and vote at the bottom.

Gators

The downside of seeing an alligator: It might eat you. The upside: You could end up with a viral video and achieve 24-hour internet fame.

Pythons

The Miami Herald urges anyone running into a python to “stay calm.” I am not going to stay calm. You’re not going to stay calm. We’re going to scream like little girls and run like hell before we find ourselves in a final slimy embrace.

All other snakes

Some snakes are friends. They are not venomous and are in fact harmless and sometimes even useful to have in your garden, as they eliminate rodents and other destructive insects. HA! Just kidding. They all want to kill you even if they can’t.

Iguanas

The green menace is real, people. They eat the plants needed by native creatures, lurk in toilets and spread salmonella by pooping in pools. Florida is trying to find a way to combat them so we’re totally #TeamFlorida.

Lubbers

These natives won’t hurt you, and they’re kind of pretty in an insecty way. But they will eat the hell out of your vegetable garden, and God forbid one hops onto your bare leg.

Spiders

Speaking of creatures you really don’t want crawling on your bare leg, meet the golden orb weaver or banana spider. Sure, it’s scary-looking, but it is not dangerous. Unless you have been shrunken to fly size. Then this thing is going to mess you up.

Mosquitoes

They suck your blood and transmit Zika. We aren’t fans.

Toads

Toads are gross and we are opposed to them.

Cockroaches

You may think they’re not in your house. BUT THEY ARE. They are just waiting for you to invite guests over so they can scuttle out and embarrass you.

Also this is the worst thing we have ever read.

Flying cockroaches

Cockroaches have wings, and most of them don’t fly. But Nature decided that it would be super funny to watch humans flail around like lunatics so it made sure a few roaches will fly right at your face when provoked. Nature hates us.

And yes, we know this isn’t a photo of a flying cockroach, but they are so scary we were afraid we’d faint if we posted a photo of one.

Now it’s your turn to vote. Which one of these monstrous creatures gives you night terrors?

Which horrible Florida creature is the worst?

This story was originally published June 28, 2018 at 4:06 AM.