Super Bowl With a Smirk III: 42 states agree, Bunny v. Rock, bets on God and more
Super Bowl With a Smirk, a beloved or at least tolerated annual staple of the Miami Herald years we remember to do it, is back! Smirk flies under the banner ‘Make Fun, Not War’ and delights to needle and tweak the NFL and the gravitas of its Big Game. Welcome back for our third of five daily editions.
▪ Football fans in 42 of 50 states will be rooting for Seattle Sunday -- or is it against New England? -- based on a BetOnline.ag scan of geotagged date on X tracking more than 400,000 tweets over the past week. Outside of Massachusetts and five other Northeast states, the only states for the Patriots are Super Bowl host California ... and Florida! Hmm. Considering 49ers and Rams fans both hate the rival Seahawks and the way Miami fans feel about the Pats, maybe the person tabulating the geotagged data was drunk? Just a theory.
▪ The NFL Honors awards show is Thursday night at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco, hosted by John Hamm. Rams quarterback Matthew Stafford (spoiler alert!) is betting fave to edge Pats QB Drake Maye for league MVP, the big prize among many to be given. The Hall of Fame‘s Class of ‘26 also will be announced. Major protests are expected outside the event. Against U.S. Immigration & Customs Enforcement? Oh that, too. But I meant girlfriend Jordon Hudson protesting Bill Belichick’s Hall snub and local masseuses picketing over Robert Kraft also being denied.
▪ The Super Bowl Halftime Show press conference with Bad Bunny will be held Thursday at the San Fran convention center. Let’s all find out together if Roger Goodell was successful in begging Mr. Bunny to not say “ICE out” like he did at the Grammy Awards. Meantime ultra-conservative Turning Point USA plans an alternate “All-American Halftime Show” to air at the same time Sunday, starring the ghost of Kid Rock. President Trump called the alternate show “maybe the best ever and watched by millions more than Bad Bunny” even though neither show has yet aired. [Quick aside: Bad Bunny is Puerto Rican. Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory and commonwealth. Puerto Ricans are U.S. citizens. More than 50 million Americans speak Spanish.]
Smirk III notes:
▪ Quote of the week relative to Sunday’s game: On a podcast in 2019, now-Patriots coach Mike Vrabel joked he’d cut off his own penis to win a Super Bowl, saying, “I don’t need anesthesia. I’d probably cut it in half, leave [the wife] six.” Oy! Makes you hope for a Pats win, don’t it!?
▪ The NFC defeated the AFC 66-52 in the annual Pro Bowl flag football game. The defensive player of the game was the only person to yank a flag all day. If the Pro Bowl were any worse or in more need of eliminating, we’d call it the Pro Bowel.
▪ The betting favorite for whom Sunday’s Super Bowl MVP will thank first in his speech is God at -300. If you bet a load on God and the player thanks Jesus Christ instead, do you have a claim? Also, why does no athlete ever blame God for a loss? Smirk apologies for the digression.
▪ We all know who Elton John will be rooting for in the Super Bowl. (Or will now.) Elton and Robert Kraft have a long friendship that began when the Pats owner hired the Rocket Man to perform at private events. Kraft is a major annual sponsor helping bankroll Elton’s Academy Awards party coming up March 15.
▪ A “seahawk” is an actual bird, sort of. It’s officially known as an osprey, a large fish-hunting raptor sometimes called a “sea hawk.” However, the creature pictured in the team’s logo and used as a live mascot at games is an Augur buzzard. The Seattle Sea Hawks/Osprey/Buzzards remain 4 1/2-point favorites over the Nee England Tri-Cornered Hats.
▪ And in other news, it’s NBA trade-deadline day and Giannis Antetokounmpo might end up in Miami, and the Winter Olympics are underway in Italy. Wonder what the Pats’ long snapper thinks about that?
▪ Super Bowl Party Tip du Jour: Hosts, mute the TV as the second quarter ends and -- in a refreshing alternative to Bad Bunny -- introduce your elementary school-aged children to delight your guests with a live halftime performance of dancing and songs from “Frozen 2.”
Smirk Poll III: Vote as often as you’d like.
