Super Bowl With a Smirk II: Darnold’s bird calls, Bad ‘Benny,’ Hazmat unis, more
Super Bowl With a Smirk, a beloved or at least tolerated annual staple of the Miami Herald years we remember to do it, is back! Smirk flies under the banner ‘Make Fun, Not War’ and delights to needle and tweak the NFL and the gravitas of its Big Game. Welcome back for our second of five daily editions.
▪ NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, asked about halftime performer Bad Bunny saying “ICE out” at the Grammy awards, defended the singer, saying he thinks Mr. Bunny understands his Sunday performance is meant to “unify.” This Goodell said after inadvertently calling the artist “Bad Benny” on first reference. Lest Goodell’s familiarity with Bad Bunny be cast in any doubt, however, the commissioner then slayed with impromptu dance moves while singing, “Titi Me Pregunto.”
▪ Seahawks quarterback Sam Darnold revealed he has a bird-calling app that allows him to identify various bird sounds. “I love it. It’s awesome,” he said. “We have birds that chirp in our backyard, and I love to find out what it is.” Patriots defenders may be expected Sunday to mimic a cacophony of various loud bird chirps near the line of scrimmage in an effort to discombobulate Darnold.
Smirk II notes:
▪ The Super Bowl stadium is the home of the San Francisco 49ers, whose many injuries this season were blamed by some on the facility’s proximity to an electrical substation. As a precaution, instead of uniforms Sunday, says a Smirk source, the Patriots and Seahawks will wear team-colored Hazmat suits.
▪ All know that the SB commercials are as popular as the game itself -- according to a national poll of TV advertising executives -- and teasers are already out. One is a Budweiser tearjerker in which (spoiler alert!) a young Clydesdale befriends a small fuzzy bird that grows up to be an American bald eagle and majestically takes flight off the back of the fully grown horse. In another commercial, Smirk’s favorite, a panicked Peyton Manning running in fear is caught from behind and pummeled unconscious by the ghost of Betty White.
▪ The Pro Bowl Games are Tuesday night at San Fran’s Moscone Center. What once was a half-hearted all-star football game few cared to watch is now a 7-on-7flag football game even fewer care about. Still involves NFL players who had the best season, along with Shedeur Sanders. This is the first time the Pro Bowl Games has been incorporated into Super Bowl Week rather than hidden the weekend before. This year’s other dumb related events include ”Helmet Harmony,” a trivia game that tests how well teammates know each other (sounds like a Newlywed Game ripoff), and relay races, like in middle-school phys-ed or at a bad company picnic. The NFL rarely attaches itself to anything plainly unsuccessful, with this a throbbing exception.
▪ Super Bowls are designated a Special Security Event involving federal, state, and local agencies, and the Coast Guard held a Super Bowl Security Press Briefing on Tuesday to discuss safety measures in and around Santa Clara and San Francisco. Operations will include counter-unmanned aerial systems -- anti-drone technology -- such as low-altitude helicopter radiation monitoring by the National Nuclear Security Administration. Smirk cannot confirm the Press Briefing was so restricted not even the press were allowed in.
▪ The Seahawks may or may not be up for sale after the Super Bowl for what could be an NFL-record $7-8 billion. It was reported they would be for sale, but the ownership estate of Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen estate has denied the report. That means it’s true but the team didn’t want it out there.
▪ The Super Bowl Experience, the NFL’s “immersive football festival,” is running all week at the San Fran convention center. Fans have a chance to meet current and former players for autographs, enjoy interactive games, take photos with the Vince Lombardi Trophy, explore a display of all 59 Super Bowl rings, race a 40-yard dash, and experience virtually the feeling of brain trauma from repeated hard hits. (OK we made up that last one.)
▪ Sunday’s game will be broadcast in more than 180 countries in some 40 different languages. Somewhere in Budapest right now, two crones hovered over a cauldron of goulash are looking ahead to Sunday. “A rossz nyuszi tiszteletére nyúlpörköltet készítünk,” says one. (”To honor Bad Bunny we make a rabbit stew.”)
▪ Super Bowl Party Tip du Jour: Surprise your party guests and stimulate their imagination. Leave the big TV screen off and all wear ‘40s attire as you gather ‘round an old-timey transistor radio to catch the game.
SMIRK II POLL:
