Super Bowl With a Smirk I: Kendrick Lamar, Pat Riley, Chiefs fatigue, Taylor Swift, glory holes & more
Super Bowl With a Smirk, a beloved annual staple of the Miami Herald years we remember to do it, is back! (Although ‘beloved’ may be stretching it.) Smirk flies under the banner Make Fun, Not War and delights to needle and tweak the NFL and the gravitas of its Big Game. Welcome as we kick off Super Bowl Week with to our first of five daily editions:
Bless the NBA and the Lakers for acquiring Luka Doncic from Dallas for Anthony Davis in Sunday’s legit-blockbuster trade that saw the Mavericks pickpocketed. Otherwise we might have been relegated to actually paying attention to the NFL’s Pro Bowl Games in Orlando.
Events included dodgeball, tug-of-war and of course a flag football game. What is this, a company picnic? The Pro Bowl Games could quietly disappear, unannounced, and nobody would care or perhaps even notice. If the Super Bowl is the main course and the Pro Bowl Games the appetizer, Chiefs-Eagles is filet mignon and lobster to the Pro Bowl Games’ Mongolian sheep eyeball juice.
In the game itself Sunday, the NFC beat the AFC, 76-63. The Offensive MVP was Lions quarterback Jared Goff. The Defensive MVP was the only guy all day to successfully pull a flag.
▪ Can’t wait for next Sunday! The game? Oh that, too, I guess. But I meant rapper Kendrick Lamar’s halftime show -- more highly anticipated than ever after his big wins at Sunday night’s Grammy Awards. And by highly anticipated I mean how nervous Fox censors and NFL lawyers will be at the first notes of “Not Like Us.”
▪ Miami Heat president Pat Riley hits the lottery if Kansas City becomes the first team ever to win three straight Super Bowls. He has owned the trademark for the phrase “three-peat” and its derivatives since the 1980s, and Chiefs merch using it could be a windfall for Riles. He deserves it, if only for all the (bleep) Jimmy Butler has put him through this season.
▪ “Chiefs fatigue” is blamed for lower-than-typical ticket prices to next Sunday’s game, yet expectations are that the Fox broadcast could break the record of 124.1 million viewers set in last year’s SB, despite Tom Brady being in the booth.
▪ The game is expected to draw more than 100,000 visitors to New Orleans. And that’s just Taylor Swift’s entourage.
▪ In light of the New Year’s Day terrorist attack on Bourbon Street, Super Bowl security in New Orleans will be more expansive and noticeable than ever before. At a Super Bowl Security Media Press Conference on Monday, security was so tight not even credentialed reporters were let in.
▪ The previous Super Bowl held in New Orleans -- a 34-31 Ravens win over the 49ers on Feb. 3, 2013 -- was marred by a 34-minute stadium blackout blamed on a power outage. NFL officials have assured that embarrassment won’t be repeated, noting a complete blackout this time almost certainly would be shorter.
▪ Will the total money bet on this Super Bowl break the mark set last year? A record $23.1 billion was gambled on last year’s game. And that was just by Bruno Mars.
▪ Both teams arrived in New Orleans Sunday night, Philadelphia slightly before Kansas City. It’s expected to be the last time the Eagles will be ahead of the Chiefs.
▪ Anticipation is high whether Cowboys owner Jerry Jones will be seen around the French Quarter this week looking for a glory hole. (Explainer: Jones keeps referring to his Cowboys needing to get back to their glory hole. He seemingly is unaware of the phrase’s modern connotation, and none of his sycophants are brave enough to tell him.)
▪ Reason enough to wish Buffalo had made this Super Bowl: Bills (and ex-Fins) receiver Mack Hollins showed up for the AFC title game wearing the head of the Muppets character “The Animal.” Top that, Chiefs and Eagles.
▪ Counterfeit tickets and merchandise is an annual Super Bowl Week threat. Note to gullible consumers: If you just paid someone $5,800 for two Super Bowl tickets that seemed unusually small and read, ‘AMC Theaters / Den of Thieves 2: Pantera’ ... you may have been had.
▪ Super Bowl Party Tip du Jour: Drinking game. Shots all around whenever somebody says how bad Tom Brady is on the Fox broadcast. Warning: Triple up on the booze supply and insist everyone take an Uber home.)
