‘I just feel defeated’: Caring for coronavirus patients takes toll on health workers

A nurse in full protective gear tended to a patient dying of coronavirus before holding up an iPad so he could see the face and hear the grief-stricken voice of a relative waiting in the corridor on Skype.

Shortly after, the 75-year-old man passed away and the nurse went to find a secluded hallway to cry, she said in a message to Dr. Heather Farley, the director of a comprehensive staff-support program at Christiana Hospital in Delaware, The New York Times reported.

“I’m not the kind of nurse that can act like I’m fine and that something sad didn’t just happen,” the nurse wrote to Farley, according to the Times.

Rosem Morton, a nurse in Maryland, jolts awake from a dream on her 20th straight day of working, she writes in a journal entry on National Geographic. She has a panic attack after waking, and can’t get back to sleep, Morton writes.

“I thought I was coping really well,” she said. “When people check in, I always respond that I am fine. I realize I have simply been numb.”

As the coronavirus pandemic stretches into month three, more health care workers on the frontlines are sharing how watching their patients, coworkers and loved ones die from COVID-19 is having an impact on their mental health, as reported by several outlets. The anxiety attacks, PTSD and sleepless nights that usually characterize the experiences of military veterans have shifted to health care professionals as they fight an invisible enemy, CNN reported.

Some of their stories are being told through family members, after the grief and stress overcomes them, and they take their own lives — whether intentionally or not — like William Coddington in Florida, who was recently found dead in his car after expressing his grief with relatives, according to Reuters. A recovering opioid-addict, the 32-year-old struggled to cope as he watched people his age die of coronavirus, Reuters reported.

“He couldn’t meet with his sponsor,” Coddington’s mother told Reuters. “And his friends, nobody wanted to see him because he worked in a hospital, not even to sit 6 feet apart.”

Coddington’s family suspects he died of a drug overdose, although that wasn’t independently verified, according to Reuters. His family and friends expressed their concern to him in his final weeks after noticing a shift in his behavior, Reuters reported.

“You are so needed right now by others. You can be great,” Ronald Coddington, William’s father, wrote to him in a text message sent April 1, according to Reuters. “Please please bury me some day. Don’t make me bury you… I love you.”

Coddington replied, “I love you too,” Reuters reported.

Morton documented her experience as a nurse in Baltimore in National Geographic, and each day seemed to become harder than the last as she wrote her routine in the first eight days of the pandemic.

On her 10th work day, Morton wrote: “As I cross the street to the hospital, I see the brick sidewalk is covered in messages and art drawn with chalk. ‘Thank you,’ ‘God bless,’ ‘Heroes work here,’ ‘Thanks healthcare workers.’ A huge smile spreads on my face. I don’t think I have smiled walking to the hospital in a long time,” National Geographic reported.

But by day 12, when Maryland had 4,371 confirmed cases of coronavirus and 103 deaths, Morton wrote: “I no longer feverishly check the number of confirmed cases in my state and in my hospital. I don’t know if this is a sign of calm acceptance or weary defeat.”

Six days later, after the number of cases among her coworkers grew and their family members died from the virus, she writes: “After six weeks, I just feel defeated,” according to National Geographic.

Each day on the job, health care professionals become increasingly susceptible to PTSD and burnout, The New York Times reported. Doctors, nurses and paramedics sometimes go weeks without a day off, and many work 12-hour shifts, according to CNN.

How you can help

As more services become available to help these frontline workers cope with the mental impacts of the pandemic, you can help support them by offering meals, helping with chores around the house, taking care of their kids or sending them a “Thank You” card, CNN reported. Don’t simply ask if they need anything, but offer proactive support, according to CNN.

While many health care workers will try to draw strength from their own resilience, offering a shoulder to lean on will be more effective in helping them power through this crisis, CNN reported.

“One of the most helpful things we can do is to create an emotionally safe space and allow others in our lives to feel and express whatever they are thinking and feeling,” Shauna Springer, the chief psychologist for the Stella Center and one of the nation’s leading experts on PTSD and trauma, wrote in an article for CNN.