Here’s everything you need to know about the Miami Book Fair but were afraid to ask

The tents are up. The volunteers are pulling on their T shirts, and the writers are packing their bags.

Miami Book Fair is here.

Crazed fair lovers already have a plan to get the most out of one of Miami’s best events. They’re drinking coffee out of book fair mugs and pulling out their ancient fair totebags to lug around this year’s purchases.

If you are not yet a crazed fan, though, you may have some questions about how best to experience this festival of books and writing. That’s why we have compiled this handy list of Frequently Asked Questions.

Here’s everything you need to know about Miami Book Fair.

Are there only events on the weekend?

No. You can get book crazy all week long, so rest up. The fair runs Nov. 17-24, with events every night. The big weekend of the street fair is Nov. 22-24, but The Porch is open every weeknight, and there are author appearances as well.

Can I bring my kids?

You have to bring your kids. Don’t you want to raise readers? Yes, obviously! There are tons of activities, classic book characters to meet, street theater, a scavenger hunt and storytelling. You can even buy them a book.

Will people judge me if I only care about comic books?

Nope. You’ll find comics publishers, indie artists, exhibitors and an Artist’s Booth where the authors will sit down and sketch some illustrations right in front of you. There are also panels with comics masters.

What if I prefer podcasts to books?

We kinda want to judge you, but we won’t. Besides, you can watch Slate Podcasts live with hosts Jamilah Lemieux and Dan Kois as they interview Pamela Paul and Adam Mansbach at 4 p.m. Nov. 23.

Which author readings should I go to?

Listen, we can’t do everything for you. You’re going to put on your big reader pants and make some decisions. There are literally hundreds of authors coming. Crime writers, historians, novelists, memoirists, poets, politicians. You name it. I mean, Blondie is coming! How can you not be excited?

Can I ask authors questions?

Questions are encouraged at most author sessions but - and I cannot stress this enough - you have to ask an actual question, not blather on about yourself. Nobody wants to know your struggle.

Will the audience audibly groan if I ramble on too long?

If you say “This is more of an observation, but...” they may throw things.

Can I get my books signed?

Yes, except in rare occasions where an author is running to catch a plane or wants nothing to do with his or her fans. (Note: The latter is as rare as snowfall in Kendall or a Miami Dolphins playoff run.)

Can I give my favorite author a copy of my self-published masterwork?

Absolutely not.

Can I have my political opinions echoed back at me?

Almost certainly. There are conservative writers at the fair and there are liberal writers at the fair. You should be able to work out something.

Will there be beer?

Biscayne Bay Brewing has got your back.

What if I get hungry and need a snack?

Head to the corner of Northeast Third Street and Second Avenue or the nearest arepa cart.

What’s the deal with The Porch?

The Porch is a small outdoor stage where you can do any number of interesting things, like start your weekend with yoga, watch a Literary Death Match (no authors will be harmed in the battle) or enjoy the music of local bands like Afrobeta (6 p.m. Nov. 24). Biscayne Bay Brewing lives at The Porch. You’ll want to visit.

Where should I park?

There’s free parking on a first come, first served basis at the Miami Dade College parking garage at 500 NE Second Ave. You can also take Metrorail (ride to Government Center and transfer to Metromover’s inner loop; get off at College North or College Bayside).

Is Dave Barry’s band going to perform?

For better or worse, mostly worse, yes. The Rock Bottom Remainders perform at 7 p.m. on Nov. 23 at The Porch. We hear they know up to four chords now.

How do I keep myself from spending my entire paycheck on books?

If we ever find out, we’ll let you know.

Miami Book Fair

When: Nov. 17-24

Where: Miami Dade College, 300 NE Second Ave., Miami

Tickets: $20 for “Evenings With” events; street fair admission free on Nov. 22; $10 for adults, $5 for students and seiniors; kids 12 and under free Saturday and Sunday

Full schedule of events and authors: miamibookfair.com