What are Miami drivers most stressed out about? These three things, apparently

You know what stresses us out? That person driving through the rain with their hazard lights blinking.
You know what stresses us out? That person driving through the rain with their hazard lights blinking. Miami Herald File

There are many reasons for Miami drivers to experience anxiety, notably because they have made the questionable decision to drive in Miami in the first place.

But TrueCar, Inc, believes it has narrowed down the causes of Miami driving stress.

We are not so sure TrueCar knows what it’s talking about.

The automotive pricing website has conducted a survey to explore the worst driving anxieties of people living in major metropolitan areas. In a development shocking only to telecommuters, the survey reports that only one in three people actually enjoys driving. We don’t know where this one person in three lives, but based on experience and the amount of high blood pressure meds we’re on, we can surmise that this person does not live anywhere near Miami.

In the survey, TrueCar breaks down what each community stresses over most. In the Houston area, people loathe traveling in low-visibility weather. In New York and New Jersey, they hate driving at night. In Philly, they rather sensibly hate driving near a police vehicle. Drivers in our nation’s capital abhor parallel parking, and highways and congested parking lots unnerve the good folks of Atlanta.

So what stresses Miami drivers? According to the survey, the top three things are driving another person’s car, driving through yellow lights and merging on to the highway.

Wait, what? These aren’t even in the top 20 of driving stresses in Miami. Not while this is happening:

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Here in Miami we have much scarier things to worry about that yellow lights. We don’t even know what yellow lights mean. We’ve never slowed for one in our lives. We’re much more concerned with paying $11 to drive in the express lanes and mysterious highway shutdowns that last for days. We’re nervous about all the trucks you don’t want to get behind on the Palmetto. And we are ever vigilant for anyone driving around with an “I am MDC” sticker on their car.

We don’t mind driving another person’s car - we’ve probably just stolen it. And merging is no problem because we don’t waste time thinking about it. We just merge. We never look in a mirror or out a window. That’s the other’s guy’s problem. We’re trying to answer this text. Also, turn signals are for the weak.

A further examination of the survey may contain a clue as to how TrueCar went wrong. The survey lumps together Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach and Miami drivers, and those northerners are clearly skewing the results. Those fainthearted motorists in Hollywood and Delray Beach may quake at the thought of running a yellow light. But in Miami, we have more important things to worry about. Like why that guy in the BMW is pulling into our lane.

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