Miami traffic is a horrible hellscape of misery, this study says. Well, not in those words

Business as usual on the road in Miami.
Business as usual on the road in Miami. EL NUEVO HERALD

In one of the more shocking developments of this millennium, a new study has determined that Miami has some of the worst traffic in the country.

LOL! We know this is not really a revelation. No South Florida commuter is surprised to learn we’re in the top percentile of driving misery.

Every website on the planet is doing some sort of traffic study these days so they can inform you that your life sucks. Including, apparently, insurance comparison shopping website Insurify (note: company’s actual name). And Insurify has announced that Miami is no. 6 on the list of American cities with the worst traffic.

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The top four cities are the usual suspects, with California leading the pack: Los Angeles takes the no. 1 spot, followed by New York, San Francisco and San Jose. Dark horse Seattle came in at no. 5. How can Seattle be worse than American Horror Story: The Palmetto? Seattle rents are so high they make Brickell look affordable. In Seattle, people have to commute in from Idaho or possibly the Yukon.

The number of bad words being uttered in these cars is infinity.

Chicago, Washington, D.C., Honolulu and Atlanta round out the top 10 traffic hellholes. One other Florida city made the top 20: our frenemy Tampa, the city that thinks it created the Cuban sandwich but didn’t. At least they can have the last laugh over their slightly less horrific driving conditions.

For the study, Insurify compiled data on traffic congestion and commuting times and analyzed insurance quotes. Strangely, they didn’t think to calculate the number of complete idiots on the road.

TomTom, a consumer electronics company, helped out, compiling the congestion levels for the top 20 cities, using the measured amount of extra travel time experienced by drivers yearly and also by how many F bombs they dropped per hour.

The study, by the way, suggests Miami drivers spend an average of commute time of 36.4 minutes. DId we mention LOL?

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