Ultra Music Festival is finally breaking up with Miami.
After 20 years, the EDM festival that Miami loves to hate is saying bye to the city for good. According to the Miami Herald, Ultra organizers delivered a letter explaining that they won’t be back.
Turns out Miami hates loud music, hates fun and hates money (Ultra brought in about $2 million). And after this year’s slightly disastrous residency at Virginia Key Beach, Ultra is packing up its glow sticks and looking for more welcoming territory.
Once again, we have some suggestions as to where they can take the party.
The Medley landfill
Throw your used glow sticks on the ground. Throw up wherever. It’s a landfill. Your garbage won’t matter.
Plenty of open space for deep house fans.
There’s always a bunch of kids smoking pot here anyway, and some ambient dub will liven things up.
Robert is Here
They can put the stages out back by the petting zoo.
The rock furniture is too uncomfortable for anybody to pass out on for long.
Because 100,000 selfie-taking young people who look like a unicorn threw up on them are still better than chain restaurants and strip malls.