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78 percent of people who go to Ultra say it’s ‘life-changing.’ We have a hunch as to why

Sorry, Coachella. No way, Burning Man. Forget it, Lollapalooza. Ultra Music Festival is the most life-changing modern music festival.

A new poll by Cloud Cover Music, which interviewed hundreds of music festival lovers, has announced that 78.4 percent of the people they asked about Ultra said the event was “life-changing.”

Only Woodstock had a higher percentage of festivalgoers saying it was a life changing event (82.4 percent), and we all know Grandpa and his friends are prone to exaggeration. If you listen to them, you’d think they all were coherent enough to have heard Jimi Hendrix play “The Star Spangled Banner” on that last day. We all know damned well they were lying stoned in the mud by then, possibly conceiving your parents.

But Ultra, well, that is an EDM, PLUR adjacent, life-changing experience. Maybe even more so this year in its new home of Virginia Key, where there is nowhere to park, neither Uber or Lyft will pick you up afterward, fragile environmental concerns exist and extremely angry Key Biscayne neighbors are openly pining for the Miami Open like Ibiza misses Martin Garriix when he’s on the road.

The people behind this guy want to change his life - and not for the better. MATIAS J. OCNER

We are sure there will be no problems.

Still, we wonder if partying possibly plays a role in how life-changing Ultra is. The Cloud Cover poll claims only 24 percent of music festival goers say they’re sober at their various festivals. At least Ultra goers are not like those degenerate Burning Man hippies, 45 percent of whom say they mixed drugs and alcohol during the festival.

Here’s how it breaks down: People at Woodstock and Bonnaroo party more than the Ultra fans; Ultra fans party more than the music lovers at Lollapalooza and Coachella. The crowd at SXSW is reasonably tame, according to the poll, though not as tame as those clean cut Vans Warped fans.

And good news for 2019 Ultra fans: Tiesto, who performs Friday, is one of the top five favorite festival performers (Red Hot Chili Peppers, Jane’s Addiction, Kendrick Lamar and Beyonce round out the top four).

And whether or not Ultra 2019 changes your life here’s one thing we do know: 100 percent of trees at Ultra definitely find the experience life-changing.

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