Seeking happiness, she learned at a young age to rely on herself and her faith

It is 5 a.m. and Ifetayo Frye is behind the counter at Dunkin’ on NW 14^th Street in Miami, across the street from Jackson UHealth, wearing a smile and helping manage cashiers and baristas as they take orders for iced coffee, mocha swirl cappuccino, and donuts from doctors, nurses, and UM medical students.

Frye is 19 years old and was recently promoted to shift leader. She wakes up at 4:15 a.m. and takes an Uber from Coconut Grove to work because she doesn’t have a car and the Metrorail doesn’t run that early. She works five to six days a week, from 5 a.m. to 1 p.m., takes the train home, and juggles three online classes at Miami Dade College.

At first glance, she may seem like just another hard-working college student, but her customers and classmates have no idea of all that Frye has overcome.

That young woman with the cheery disposition spent last Christmas in a homeless shelter, sharing a room with strangers in bunk beds and living off donated snacks and dinners.

“I was very sad with myself and with how life was going at such a young age,” Frye recalled. “I was just a kid. Eighteen. I remember on Christmas they had a movie night at the shelter. It was cold in there and they gave us blankets, pajamas and fuzzy socks.

“I’ve always been grateful for anything and everything somebody gives me. Those fuzzy socks with little hearts and candy canes on them were cute. I really appreciated it because I’d rather have that than be outside or sleeping somewhere I shouldn’t be. So, it was always the little things I was grateful for.”

Living up to her name

Ifetayo is a Nigerian name meaning “love brings joy”, combining the word “ife” (love) and “tayo” (joy/happiness). Its full meaning is that love is a source of positivity and a child given that name should have a happy life filled with affection.

The name seems fitting for Frye, who has spent the entirety of her young life in search of affection and happiness.

She is the middle child of 11 siblings, born to a Nigerian construction worker who she said wasn’t around much and a French mother who she said struggled to manage the large family.

Frye shared that she was timid as a little girl and tried desperately to get her mother’s attention and approval. Their relationship became strained when she was in high school, which led to depression, homelessness and a difficult transition to adulthood.

Frye has finally found stability, guidance and a sense of community at Casa Valentina, a program that provides life skills training and affordable housing to former foster care and homeless youth ages 18 to 23, a safety net as they transition to independence.

She says her faith gives her strength to plow through hard times. She considers her Bible her most prized possession. On the mirror in the entrance to her small apartment, she wrote “One day at a time…” in purple marker. On the microwave, she wrote: “Abundance Overflowing.”

“I am deep in my faith, and I don’t wear what I’m going through on my sleeves,” she said. “You never saw me look like I was homeless, depressed and struggling. Having that relationship with God kept me uplifted all the time, knowing he puts you through it to get to the next thing. So, I was just like, `I know this is a troubled time, but I know I’m not going to stay here and dwell on my situation because this is not me and not who I will be.’”

Seeing Frye now, holding down a full-time job and aiming toward a degree in Early Childhood Education, it is hard to imagine how she wound up homeless and desperate.

“Growing up with 11 siblings meant our house was always very chaotic, as you might imagine,” Frye explained. “My Dad would have my siblings in the house and new babies that came from his other families. We had around 20 people living there at times. It was near Opa-locka. There was a main house and a little back house.

“When I was 6, my mom and the 11 kids moved in with our godmother in North Miami Beach. Being the middle child, I felt I got overlooked a lot. I never got a lot of words in and was very shy. I felt like the ugly duckling.”

She attended Sabal Palm Elementary in North Miami Beach and Andover Middle School in Miami Gardens before transferring to Norland Middle for a dance program, which led her to the dance magnet program at Dr. Michael S. Krop Senior High School.

“Being in the dance magnet was the best thing that ever, ever happened to me,” Frye said, adding that she found solace in dance when her relationship with her mother was deteriorating.

When Frye was in 11^th grade, her family moved from the house in Miami Gardens to the Miami Gardens Inn and Suites because they could not afford to pay the rent.

“In high school I wouldn’t say my home life was the best, and I felt like my mom resented me out of nowhere and it made my high school experience sad,” she said. “I didn’t mind getting up at 4 o’clock in the morning, taking the bus to school and staying at dance practice until 8 at night.

“I always liked school and in this magnet program, everybody felt so homey, and they just loved me. I knew I wasn’t going to get that at home.”

She says she sought therapy, but her mother felt she was betraying her and the relationship got worse.

“I let go of any emotional ties with her throughout 12^th grade because I was trying to seek something that I wasn’t getting,” Frye said. “I will never have any type of hatred or anger toward her because I never know what she’s going through mentally.

“So, if she wants to be my mom today, I will be her daughter. If she doesn’t want to, that’s her choice. But I’m never expecting anything from her. I think she’ll come around, but I can’t wait for that because that’s kind of a dead dream.”

Unhoused and fending for herself

After Frye graduated from high school, her mother packed up and moved with the rest of family to Orlando. One younger sister, Olubunmi, who is now 18, was sent to Boys Town boarding school in Nebraska. Olubunmi is the only sibling with whom Frye keeps in touch.

Frye considered enlisting in the Army, but those plans fell apart. She lived with her godmother for a few months, but she said the condition was that she find a job. She was unable to do so, so she wound up having to fend for herself.

She stayed alone in a hotel for a few days, then reached out to an acquaintance who got her a room at a Safe Space shelter, where she lived for almost a year. She got a job at a Wendy’s restaurant nearby.

In February, she was urged to apply to Casa Valentina, was accepted and moved there in March. Within a month, she had a job at Dunkin’. She started as cashier, moved to barista, then worked on the prep crew. Before long she helped make the work schedule. She was promoted to shift leader in November.

“It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something,” Frye said, smiling. “I’m somewhere way, way opposite of where I was last year. So, that makes me feel really good about myself.”

She is also taking three classes through Miami Dade College: English, Early Childhood Education, and a computer course. Her dream is to one day run her own daycare center.

Ronald Umanzor is Frye’s program coordinator at Casa Valentina. He has been impressed with her determination and positive spirit and nominated her for the Miami Herald Wish Book program, a holiday fundraising drive that began in 1982.

“This semester at school she passed all her classes, is taking on management responsibilities at work, is exceeding expectations as part of this program, so seeing her come up from having nothing to where she is, pretty much on her own strength with a push from us, is impressive,” Umanzor said.

Frye’s holiday wish list is not very long. Frye would like a MacBook laptop computer with a webcam so that she can better participate in her online classes. She has been doing it on her phone, but a bigger screen with a webcam would be ideal. Also, she could use Uber gift cards to defray the daily cost of $10 rides to work.

Casa Valentina is a two-year program, and Frye is taking advantage of all that it has to offer, everything from financial literacy lessons to community service. And she is making a few friends along the way.

“It has helped me with my mental health because my life is way more stable than it was,” she said. “I come here, I lay my head down and I don’t have to worry about anything else. I don’t have to worry about somebody else coming in and disturbing my peace. I can just be me.”

HOW TO HELP

To help this Wish Book nominee and more than 150 others who are in need this year:

▪ To donate, use the coupon found in the newspaper or pay securely online through www.MiamiHerald.com/wishbook

▪ For more information, call 305-376-2906 or email Wishbook@MiamiHerald.com

▪To help this Wish Book nominee and more than 150 others who are in need this year:

▪ Read all Wish Book stories on www.MiamiHerald.com/wishbook

Michelle Kaufman

Miami Herald

305-376-3438

Miami Herald sportswriter Michelle Kaufman has covered 14 Olympics, six World Cups, Wimbledon, U.S. Open, NCAA Basketball Tournaments, NBA Playoffs, Super Bowls and has been the soccer writer and University of Miami basketball beat writer for 25 years. She was born in Frederick, Md., and grew up in Miami.