Dave Barry Gift Guide

The Uroclub

The Uroclub

$49.95 plus shipping and handling from Matco, 866-999-4876, www.uroclub.org

Suggested by Steve Wallace of Colorado Springs, Colo.

Where do golfers go to the bathroom?

For years, we assumed that they used those little holes that you see scattered around golf courses. But it turns out that the holes have another purpose; namely, the golfer is supposed to hit the ball into them, although this rarely happens.

In fact, there are very few places on a golf course to go to the bathroom. This can be a real problem, because many golfers follow a strict hydration regimen under which they may consume as many as eight beers while they're still in the parking lot. This can lead to a lot of pressure out on the course. When you see top golf professionals frowning with intense concentration during tournaments, they're not necessarily thinking about where to hit the little ball. Sometimes they're thinking, ``I wish I had worn darker golf pants so I could wet myself unnoticed.''

Well, golfers can rest easy now, thanks to the amazing UroClub. This is a fake golf club with a hollow shaft and an opening at the top. It comes with a towel that drapes over it, so the golfer appears to be toweling off the club when he is actually relieving himself into it.

Notice we say ''he.'' Unfortunately, the UroClub is not designed for the female golfer. We think somebody should invent a comparable product for women. We have an idea: Take a life-size mannequin, conceal a portable toilet inside it, dress it in shorts and a T-shirt, and voilà: The UroCaddy!