They Chose Not To Have Children-Now in 50s They Have a Message

“You'll change your mind”-a sentence many childfree adults hear repeatedly, especially when they're young.

But for a growing number of adults over 50, the absence of children hasn’t left a gaping hole in their lives-even when the decision has come with real costs.

Some have had marriages end. Others have had to come to terms with the fact that there is no built‑in support system waiting in the wings as they age.

But ultimately, Newsweek spoke to multiple people who said there are no regrets. Instead, it has shaped their careers, relationships, and sense of meaning in ways they say are often misunderstood.

The Reasons People Are Choosing To Stay Childfree

According to Dr. Emily Crosby, a child and educational psychologist, declining U.S. birth rates reflect broader cultural and psychological changes rather than a single cause.

She pointed to greater reproductive autonomy, access to birth control, economic pressures, and shifting gender roles as major factors.

Women over 40 are now having more children than teenagers in the U.S., Crosby noted-suggesting people are waiting until they feel ready, rather than following a prescribed life timeline.

“Attitudes have shifted in showing that women can offer much more than raising children, and they want to have their own identities formed before having children,” Crosby told Newsweek. “There seems to be a shift for women to wait until they have had various other life experiences, which will help shape the parents they become.”

Women also have a stronger place in the workforce, which can often mean their priorities for having children are delayed, she added.

Economic realities also loom large. Janene Oleaga, a fertility attorney and reproductive‑rights advocate, said rising housing costs, childcare expenses, healthcare access, and limited insurance coverage for fertility treatment force many people to delay-or opt out of-parenthood altogether.

A ‘Ridiculously Amazing’ Life

Fifty-one-year-old Mark Shrime from New York describes his life as "ridiculously amazing."

He has worked for nearly two decades as a surgeon on hospital ships in West and East Africa, competed on American Ninja Warrior, written a book, and spoken on the TEDx stage-experiences he told Newsweek would have been harder to pursue with children.

"Living childfree is a lot more acceptable in today’s discourse than it used to be," Shrime said. "At 51, the familial pressures have also let up. It feels like, at some point, people around me realized, oh, he’s just not going to have kids."

Not having kids gave him latitude to take professional risks, too.

"I’ve had the freedom to take more career risks, which have sometimes resulted in years-long dips in income, because I don’t have kids to feed or put through college," he explained.

The cost, however, was not abstract. A difference over whether to have children was one of several factors that led to the end of his marriage after 14 years.

"[It was] years of both of us trying to bring ourselves to the other person’s side-me trying to want kids, and her trying not to," Shrime explained. "For her, the disconnect had become strong enough that she told me she would be having a child, with or without me."

Regret Exists on Every Side

LeeAnn Webster, 57, based in Greater Chicago, never married and never had children. While she suspected early on that she didn't want kids, she said it took years to feel confident saying so out loud.

Webster is the author of That's Regrettable, a book built from more than 1,400 anonymous regrets she has collected-many related to parenthood.

What stands out to her is that regret exists on every side: people regret not having children, having children, and not having more children.

"It reinforced the idea that there is no ‘safe' path that guarantees freedom from regret," Webster told Newsweek. "These regrets are often not actually about children themselves, but about the deeper desire underneath them: love, companionship, family connection, meaning, legacy, belonging, or the fear of being alone."

Now, aging without children has made her more intentional about building community and chosen family.

"One of the more complicated parts of aging without children-especially since I'm not particularly close with my biological family-is realizing there's no built-in support system waiting in the wings," she said. "There's no automatic caregiver, advocate, or next generation to step into that role."

Shrime is blunt about the expectation that having children is a way to ensure care or company in later years.

"I feel like that one may be the single worst (and, dare I say, most selfish) reason to have children," he said. "It just doesn’t track for me as a reason to have a kid-and it feels like it shackles someone."

Choosing Not To Repeat Harm

For Leah Carey, 51, being childfree is inseparable from her childhood. Carey, who is queer and works as a sex and relationship coach, experienced chaos and trauma growing up-and doesn’t want to expose a child to a similar upbringing.

Though she believes she might have been a loving mother, Carey is acutely aware of her own limitations-emotional exhaustion, overwhelm, and the long-term effects of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).

Her decision was not about rejecting caregiving. "I adore children [and] in many ways, that's exactly why I chose not to have them," Carey said.

Instead, she has built a life centered on helping others heal and cultivating a community that spans generations. When she faced serious health issues several years ago, friends-not children-showed up.

"In the United States, we prize individualism," Carey explained. "But if we can lean more into community as a value, having children as a default assumption becomes less necessary."

Finding Meaning Outside the Traditional Script

Serena Arora, 51, based between Costa Rica and Calgary, also knew early on that she did not want children of her own, despite spending much of her life working with them as a camp leader, teacher, and speech pathologist.

Arora said she grew up observing her parents' "tough love" dynamic, where she learned to interpret criticism as care, stoicism as strength, and judgment as truth.

Over time, she found herself replicating those same patterns in her own romantic relationships-a communication style that, she said, made partnership especially challenging.

"When I met a man who was undeniably my person… I wasn't willing to pass up the chance to be with him," Arora told Newsweek. "And so, I decided he was worth stepping into the stepmother role for."

Because she never became a biological parent, she was forced to confront and untangle those patterns internally rather than passing them down.

The experience of becoming a stepmother taught her that care and "mothering" are rooted less in biology than in emotional security and self‑awareness, noting that just one word, look, or a particular tone can have a huge impact in whether children feel safe and seen.

"In order to provide a comfortable nest in which everyone can thrive, having a solid self-care practice is essential. As a result of mothering myself in this loving way, I was able to become more present not only for myself, but also for moments with my partner and his daughter."

›

2026 NEWSWEEK DIGITAL LLC.

This story was originally published May 16, 2026 at 4:30 AM.