What will you be for Halloween? The answer should be easy, right? Well, it might have been when we were kids. If you had particularly crafty parents, they labored over a sewing machine — hot glue gun at the ready — to construct something that could rival any drag queen’s creations. For others, it was as simple as a trip to Walmart or Kmart — I don’t judge.
Then, somewhere between high school and college, we wanted to keep that world of make believe but with adult themes. We all know that line delivered by Mean Girl Cady Heron: “In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” And the concept extends to boys, too!
Thank goodness there were no cell phone cameras back in the day; I shudder to think what my mother would say. All you needed was a ball cap and a jock strap to magically turn you into a baseball player for the night. A sheet and a twig tucked behind your ear instantly turned you into Greek divinity. Add a healthy dose of promiscuity to any theme and poof! There’s a costume. Who knew there were so many wanton cops, firefighters, SWAT teams and mail carriers running around?
But what happens when you can no longer pull it off, or should not even be trying? There are still ways to wow the crowds without scaring them, not with too much skin exposure anyway.
Think Outside the Horror Box
In the middle of such an epic election, you can expect to see plenty of Trumps and Hillaries hitting the streets this coming Halloween. Be more devious! Why not reach into the back of the closet, dust off that old blue dress and bring Monica Lewinski back? Yes, I went there! Or you could stay au courant by slipping on a white dress with bell wing sleeves instead. Pick up a copy of anyone else’s writing and channel Melania Trump. Keep in mind that if you are attending a company event, you might want to stay away from hot button political costumes.
Still, that doesn’t mean there’s no fun to be had. Pay your respects to one of the many celebrities we lost in 2016. It’s been a sad year with the passing of greats like David Bowie, Vanity, Angela “Big Ang” Raiola, Patty Duke, Joanie “Chyna” Laurer, Prince, Muhammed Ali, Anton Yelchin and, most recently — our favorite Willie Wonka — Gene Wilder. Perhaps getting them all together for a zombie reunion can add depth to your homage.
Speaking of getting together, some of the best costumes are churned out when you get witty with your friends. Consider going blonde, and then simply carry a men’s restroom sign as you stumble around town with your boys doing your best Ryan Lochte impression; or grab your best gal pal, get decked out in full pageant attire — tiaras are key — and wear sashes labeled Miss Philippines and Miss Colombia. Bonus points if you can rope in a Steve Harvey.
Classics like The Wizard of Oz provide endless inspiration: the Wicked Witch of the West and her devilish flying monkeys; Dorothy with Tin Man, Lion, Scarecrow and her little dog, too; or Glinda the Good Witch and the Munchkins. Bring out the big guns with a Ghostbusters crew. The reboot has opened the possibilities for all-female groups.
No matter what choice you make, don’t be afraid to add your own twist. And remember this: Your outfit does not have to be raunchy to be fun and garner attention. You just need a great sense of humor and a little Halloween madness. Happy Haunting!
• James Bond and Co.
• Rowdy Cowboy
• Knight and Prince or Princess
• Frankenstein and Bride
• Pilots and Flight Attendants
• 80’s Punk
• Charlie’s Angels
• Mr. Hart, Doralee, Violet and Judy (9 to 5)
• The Walking Dead
• The Royal Family