Aaron Rodgers drama in Green Bay involves Dolphins? Two reasons it will never happen | Opinion
It caught my eye as I breezed past ESPN.com Tuesday. Bill Barnwell, the NFL writer, was proposing possible trade offers for Aaron Rodgers. The headline: ‘Seven teams and deals that make sense.’
“Uh-oh,” I thought to myself with dread. I knew it was coming. I clicked on the story as one might nervously press a mysterious button that might or might cause unseen dynamite to detonate.
Sure enough, inevitably, predictable as humidity in Miami, there it was: The Dolphins were ranked as the third-likeliest team where a deal for Rodgers seemed possible and made sense, trailing only the second-place Washington No-Names and the top-ranked Denver Broncos.
Barnwell posits a complicated three-team trade, which is pretty common in the NBA but almost unheard of in King Sport.
He has the Dolphins getting Rodgers and a 2023 fourth-round pick; the Steelers getting Tua Tagovailoa; and the Packers getting 2022 and 2023 first-round picks and a ‘23 fifth-rounder from Miami and a ‘22 first-round pick from Pittsburgh.
You’ve heard of football. This is a game of mootball because it will never happen for a variety of reasons.
I texted a Dolphins source for a reaction to Barnwell’s speculation. The three-word response: “Again with this?’’ (With a laughing-face emoji).
The Dolphins keep saying Tua Tagovailoa is their guy and people outside the club keep not quite believing it. I’m surprised there aren’t Dolphins billboards along I-95 that proclaim, TUA IS OUR GUY!
There were reports Miami was kicking tires on disgruntled Houston quarterback Deshaun Watson, back before those two dozen allegations of sexual misconduct made him seem less like a prize than a pariah.
There was a lunatic wing of the fandom that actually thought Miami should and might draft Tua’s replacement with the sixth overall pick in the NFL Draft last Thursday.
Now the Fins are dragged into the drama of Rodgers reportedly wanting out of Green Bay.
You know how ads for prescription medicine on TV extol all the benefits and then at the very end, in a low, fast murmur, mention that the side effects could include severe headaches, vomiting, pimply rash, schizophrenia, explosive flatulence, chronic cynicism and possible death? ESPN’s speculative story needed such a disclaimer:
1) This article may cause delusional thinking that the Green Bay Packers might actually trade Aaron Rodgers even though they have stated emphatically they have no intention of doing so because why in God’s name would they. 2) This article likewise might cause in Dolfans the inability to see clearly how unlikely it is that Miami might reverse course on a building-through-the-draft plan that is working by mortgaging the future on a 37 1/2-year-old quarterback who isn’t really available in the first place.
Green Bay management has angered Rodgers in myriad ways, from trading away pet receiver Jake Kumerow to opting for that late field goal in the NFC Championship Game to drafting QB Jordan Love last year and more.
But he just had an MVP season for a 13-3 team that would be a Super Bowl contender again. In the couple of prime years he has left his best shot at that elusive second ring is right where he’s at, and he knows it.
So here’s the plan to make Rodgers happy, Green Bay:
Fire general manager Brian Gutekunst. This isn’t the 1760s so tarring and feathering might be out, but make a showy display of showing the GM the door.
Reacquire Kumerow. He’s a bit player for the Bills. You can get him for a giant wheel of cheddar.
Speaking of that, name a cheese after Rodgers.
Promise you will never again take the ball out of his hands and kick a field goal with 2:09 left.
Have an Aaron Rodgers Appreciation Day. With a parade.
Give him a lifetime supply of “Jeopardy!” home games.
Draft a !@#$%ing receiver in next year’s first round.
Oh, and give him an olive branch. Seriously. You can get them on Amazon. Give him enough olive branches to fill the entire cockpit of the $4 million Lamborghini Sian FKP 37 you’re surprising him with. (Call it a Lambeaughini as your hand him the keys).
As for you, Dolphins?
Be persistent. Keep reminding people that Tua is your guy.
One day, they might actually believe you.
This story was originally published May 4, 2021 at 12:28 PM.
