Can’t anything be nice and easy and tranquil for the poor Miami Dolphins or their beleaguered fans?
Remember the good old days, when the team’s biggest worry was somebody kneeling during the national anthem?
You couldn’t make up this Chris Foerster stuff. A line coach doing lines? Seriously? They would write that into a script for HBO’s Ballers and it would be rejected as too perfect and thus unbelievable.
Dolfans left the stadium after Sunday’s homely 16-10 win over Tennessee not celebrating but lamenting Jay Cutler and what continues to be a grossly bogged-down, underperforming offense. It was a win that didn’t quite feel like one, but, of course, this being the Dolphins, things were about to get worse.
The 56-second video of Foerster hit social media salaciously late Sunday night, instantly metastasizing to make Foerster a soon-to-be ex-coach (predictasbly he resigned in disgrace Monday morning) and make the Dolphins an even bigger national punchline than they would been in hauling Cutler out of retirement. Here was Foerster, the offensive line coach, looking right into a camera and narrating as he used a rolled-up $20 bill to snort lines of a white powdery substance that only everybody on earth would bet their life savings was cocaine.
“I accept full responsibility for my actions,” Foerster said Monday in a statement through the club. “I want to apologize to the organization. My sole focus is on getting the help that I need.”
The team’s statement mentioned “no tolerance for this behavior.” Foerster would have been fired had he balked at resigning, but Gase said at a hastily called news conference Monday that Foerster had called him immediately to apologize Sunday night when the video became public, and that he was remorseful, “mad at himself.”
The assistant coach apparently had sent the recording as a sort of video love letter to a former girlfriend, one Kijuana Nige of Paradise, Nevada, a “Vegas model,” who admitted on social media she made it public. It is not certain if Nige had attempted to blackmail Foerster. Safe to say their relationship did not dissolve amicably.
How incriminating is the video? It makes Laremy Tunsil’s draft-night bong mask look like child’s play. Foerster states directly in the video that he is snorting just prior to walking into a team meeting. (I wonder if that was the team meeting where coach Adam Gase wondered why an unusually excited, pinballing Foerster suggested trying guard Jermon Bushrod at quarterback?) The video is not dated but appears very recent. Dolphins-career recent.
“It’s not a good situation,” understated Gase, who has known Foerster since 2008. “It’s not something you expect. It’s not fun, especially when you’re close to somebody.”
The good news? Snortgate is a very effective if all-too-brief diversion from the woes of Cutler and the offense. The immediate dismissal will reduce the scandal’s media shelf life but still will dominate this week, visiting a major distraction upon players as the 2-2 Dolphins prepare to travel to Atlanta. It is especially a distraction for the offensive line, already under siege for uneven play this season.
Foerster turns 56 this week, by the way. Happy birthday, Chris! If he works in football ever again, it will be at some obscure Last Chance U. that can’t afford Internet and so had not seen the video.
The Dolphins were his 10th different college or pro job in a meandering career. Having seen the snorting video, we can now only imagine why he found Miami so attractive. Perhaps dancing in his head, through a powdery white gauze, were visions of Don Johnson’s Sonny Crockett in “Miami Vice” or Al Pacino’s Tony Montana in “Scarface,” the famous TV show and movie both set in Miami and both starring cocaine.
For Gase, this latest migraine continues a run of tumult in his second season as an NFL head coach. If you believe in the idea of “paying dues,” I believe Adam has paid in full the past couple of months alone and may now be owed dues back.
He loses starting quarterback Ryan Tannehill to a season-ending injury and resorts on the eve of the season to Cutler.
Sees Hurricane Irma disrupt his team’s schedule, postpone its season opener and erase its bye week.
Learns his veteran linebacker Lawrence Timmons has gone AWOL.
Travels 4,500 miles for a “home” game.
Then sees a video of one of his top assistants snorting white powder.
“It’s the NFL, man,” Gase said Monday, resolute. “There’s always distractions. You move on.”
Oh, and the offense is still in quicksand.
Otherwise, it’s all good for your Miami Dolphins!