Christmas will be special for the Spoelstras. A look at what parenthood has been like
The first Christmas as a parent is always special.
But Tuesday has a little more meaning for Erik Spoelstra and his wife, Nikki. It is their first Christmas as parents, it also marks exactly nine months since their son, Santiago, was born on March 25.
Nine months the Heat coach and his wife will never forget.
“It’s been amazing from the standpoint, it was the most memorable offseason that I’ve ever had,” Spoelstra said, with the Heat having the holiday off before returning to action Wednesday against the Raptors at AmericanAirlines Arena. “Imprinted on my mind and memories and excitement and gratitude, all of that. Every other offseason has been just that, every other offseason. This one is one I’ll remember for the rest of my life.”
Like all new parents, the Spoelstras made the sudden and drastic transition into parenthood. The only difference is they did it with Spoelstra, 48, coaching the Heat in the middle of a playoff race in March and April.
The in-season travel and demands of Spoelstra’s job made those first few months challenging.
“We were still in the regular season, so Erik was traveling,” Nikki said. “It was a lot because you’re new at this. We’re first-time parents. No matter how many books you read, you’re still not totally prepared. You’re kind of figuring things out.
“For the first 12 weeks, I think you’re kind of scrambling how to manage your new life, especially with having a husband who travels for work and balancing the stresses of the job with the new stress of being a new parent. Like no matter how amazing and grateful you are to have this new family member, it’s a lot of work and it’s a lot of big change that just takes some time to adapt to.”
So Spoelstra did what he could when he could, and he became the “hunter and gatherer,” as Nikki nicknamed him.
“The biggest issue was food, was how I was going to eat?” she said. “Like that really wound up being the biggest issue because I was nursing and you have to eat like a million calories so that you can keep your milk production up. So Erik really stepped up to the plate and he became the hunter and gatherer. I called him the hunter and gatherer. So every morning, he would go get me breakfast and lunch for the day.
“It was definitely a tough transitional time that we had to come together as a team. Thank goodness Erik is used to working as a team because he really stepped up to the plate as a new dad and husband.”
When asked to compare it to his grueling days in the Heat’s video room, Spoelstra called the first 12 weeks after Santiago’s birth “that on steroids.”
“It’s chaos,” Spoelstra said with a smile. “My wife and I joke about it, but the first eight to 12 weeks, we barely remember that. There were some harrowing nights where not only was he screaming, but it felt like we were all screaming and crying.
“But you survive it and are able to tell some funny stories.”
There are also some lessons learned along the way.
Before Santiago, Spoelstra usually needed at least 12 hours to get over a loss. Now, Nikki puts their son in the bed as Spoelstra is waking up to offer some perspective after a rough night.
“After a couple losses, I normally wouldn’t say anything to my wife in the morning, just kind of grunt and grumble and grab my coffee and get on my way out,” Spoelstra said “My wife has now made a point of, after losses, to bring our son into the bed when he wakes up in the morning. So when I’m waking up and I’m still obsessing over whatever happened the night before, I see this little guy right in front of me smiling and wanting to connect with me. It’s totally changed how I compartmentalize.
“It doesn’t affect my disappointment, anger or frustration about the night before. But I can put it in a box and be more present, and keep the main thing the main thing — your family.”
Nikki said Spoelstra is now more intentional “about the energy that he brings into the house after a game, whether it’s a win or loss.”
“It’s the best thing,” Nikki said of greeting Spoelstra in the morning with Santiago. “I let Erik sleep in. I wake up and I’ll feed Santiago early in the morning. Then after we’re finished eating, I’ll bring him into the bed and Erik’s face just lights up and Santiago gets so excited to see his dad. As soon as he sees Erik, he lights up and it’s awesome. It’s great to see them both do that with each other.”
The family had a similar moment Dec. 2, when Santiago attended the Heat’s home win against the Jazz. Before every Heat home game, Spoelstra turns to the section behind the team’s bench and waves at Nikki.
This time, Nikki wasn’t alone. A smiling Spoelstra spent a few more seconds than usual staring into the crowd to acknowledge his wife and son before tipoff.
“It was really special that game for him to turn around and see his baby boy there in the stands for a change,” Nikki said. “So I like to think that brought us some good luck.”
But more importantly, that moment and the past ninth months have created good memories for the Spoelstra family. And they’ll look to add another one to the list when they celebrate their first Christmas with Santiago.
“I love decorating for the holidays. But this year, I went all out,” Nikki said. “I think there’s something really important about feeling a festive energy and environment. So even though [Santiago] might not have these in his memories, I think these early years do form positive experiences in their mind. Maybe they’re not going to remember what it was, but we can set a tone from this year forward that it’s always going to be a feel-good time.”
And they will celebrate with a big part of their family in town.
Spoelstra’s parents and sister traveled to Miami from Portland, Oregon, and his aunt arrived from Detroit. Nikki’s family lives in Miami.
“Really excited,” Spoelstra said of his first Christmas as a father. “My whole family will be here. It’s like a family joke. My mom used to come out here once every one or two years. But since [Santiago] has been born, she’s on her fourth trip already. It’s like ‘Oh, it took us to have a grandson for you to come and visit lovely Miami.’”
This story was originally published December 24, 2018 at 4:11 PM.
