When we all take child sexual abuse more seriously, kids won’t have to suffer in silence | Opinion

There are predators among us.

About 90 percent of the time a child is harmed, it’s at the hands of someone they — and their parents — know and trust. Predators work hard to place themselves in positions — both personally and professionally — where they have access to children. Trust is gained only to be exploited, and boundaries are systematically tested, pushed and violated until a child is trapped — their needs and fears used against them, tricked or threatened into silence.

Hidden in plain sight, this happens in our communities every single day.

Now, comes that case of a trusted Miami Gardens youth track coach, who, while already accused of the sexual abuse of two young girls, has been charged with additional counts as more brave victims come forward echoing these allegations.

While this is not surprising — pedophiles commit an average of 117 sexual crimes in a lifetime — every single instance of abuse rings the alarm of the vital importance of discussing ways to keep our kids safe.

Armed with the knowledge that 95 percent of child sexual abuse is preventable with education and awareness, it’s past time for society to shed the stigma surrounding this issue. Parents and caregivers must be educated about what we can do today to ensure our children avoid the traps predators set. Simple tips include:

- Helping children identify three trusted adults they can talk to about anything — from a fight with a friend, to a bad dream, or a touch that doesn’t feel right. Teach kids that it’s OK to tell, and to keep telling until they get “2 H’s:” Heard and Helped.

- Teaching about safe and unsafe secrets and touches. Safe secrets make us feel happy and excited; if they are told, no one will get hurt or upset. Unsafe secrets make us feel uncomfortable, upset, confused or tricked. Safe touches make us feel loved, happy and comforted. Unsafe touches make us feel confused, hurt or embarrassed. If there are secrets or touches we’re instructed never to tell, they are always unsafe, and a trusted adult must be told right away.

Letting children know it’s always OK to tell may be the most critical message we can convey. Here’s why: 75 percent of child sexual abuse victims don’t tell within a year, 45 percent wait at least five years, and some wait decades or never tell. Because children are often ashamed or afraid to speak up, it’s also important for adults to know what signs to look for.

If an adult gives undue attention, singles a child out or finds reasons to be alone with a child, gives special gifts, or uses secret-keeping, they may be grooming a child for abuse. Predators escalate their behavior, testing boundaries every step of the way.

In the case of the Miami Gardens track coach, one mother noticed a shift in her child’s behavior, that she’d suddenly become withdrawn. Other signs parents should be vigilant of include changes in appetite, mood and school performance. If a child demonstrates regressive behaviors (bed wetting or thumb sucking) or develops new fears of certain places or people, something may be wrong. Sexualized behavior, bruising on inner thighs and genital areas, and sexually transmitted infections also are signs a child is being sexually abused.

When it comes to child sexual abuse, where there is smoke, there is often fire. If a pattern of red flags creates a reasonable suspicion of unsafe grooming behavior or abuse, call the Florida Abuse Hotline to make an anonymous report at 1-800-962-2873. Under Florida law, it is mandatory that all of us report suspected abuse. For us, it’s just a call. For a child, it could be everything.

To anyone suffering in silence: It’s OK to tell — and it’s OK to heal. You will not walk this path alone. Services to heal are free, and you will be heard and helped.

State Sen. Lauren Book is the founder and CEO of Lauren’s Kids. She was a victim of childhood sexual abuse for six years at the hands of a trusted caretaker.