‘Gov. DeSantis, let us visit loved ones in nursing homes. They’re suffering’ | Opinion

My mother celebrated her 98th birthday last September with her entire family. She was happy, engaged, funny and feeling blessed to be surrounded by her children and grandchildren. She was the life of the party and, perhaps, the last one to call it a night.

She has mild dementia and has lived in a memory-care facility for the past two years. She is an accomplished artist, writer and photographer, and she still plays the piano from memory.

This was her life until early March, when COVID-19 turned her world upside down.

I live a half mile from my mother’s facility and would visit almost every day — and sometimes twice a day. My mother thrives on contact with her family and is a very social person. COVID-19 changed all of that. Without warning or notice my mother was confined to her room 24/7, including for meals. She was relegated to two 10-minute Zoom, Facetime or phone calls a week. She was denied window visits.

Dementia patients do not understand “pandemic.” They do not understand the coronavirus no matter how many times you explain it to them. What they do remember, however, are freedom and social contact. They do not understand isolation, abandonment and confinement.

Seeing my mother’s mental and physical health decline in these past three months has been the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. I have written to Gov. DeSantis several times a week, begging him to find a way to have safe visitation. His office ignored my first 20 emails and then began to respond with form letters. I contacted the ombudsman for Sarasota only to be told there was nothing they could do. In the meantime, my mother continued to noticeably decline.

These past few weeks have been particularly concerning because she has begged during every phone call to be let out of jail. No doubt, in her mind she is in prison, or worse. At least prisoners are allowed some recreation time out of their cells. They are allowed phone time. They understand why they are incarcerated. My mother does not. All she can see is that she was abandoned by her family and was confined to her room. Surely, this is a form of elder abuse.

My mother raised nine children, is a widow of 20 years and a two-time cancer survivor. She is smart and incredibly strong. Confinement, however, was too much for her to handle. She suffered a stroke recently. There is no way to say for certain that the stress from her situation was the cause of her stroke, but I know that it was a major contributing factor. I could see the signs in the last few weeks; I could hear the desperation in her voice. She begged me to come and pick her up, and when I tried to explain that I wasn’t allowed in her facility she said: “I can wait outside.”

She has since entered rehab. At first, she didn’t recognize anybody and was having issues. However, we are allowed window visits, which have made all the difference. My mother is calm, she’s not afraid and she’s not crying. It’s been a big improvement. Unfortunately, I fear that she will slip back into a depressive state once she has to return to the memory-care facility.

If DeSantis can find a way to open massage parlors, tattoo parlors, gyms, restaurants, beauty salons, stores and malls why can’t he figure out a way to have safe visitation in ALFs? This population deserves better. The easy solution is to keep them locked up, but the humane solution is to find a way to safely allow visitation.

My mother is not the first senior citizen to suffer an event because of COVID-19 restrictions and she won’t be the last. This population is suffering and confused. Their world has been turned upside down, with no end in sight. They are refusing to eat, losing weight and crying out during the night. It’s inhumane and it has to change.

My mother did not contract the virus, but she is a victim of COVID-19 nevertheless.

Susan Beausang lives in Sarasota.