Grieving in the age of coronavirus calls for social support — and creativity | Opinion
A friend posted on Facebook recently that the day before had been the anniversary of his daughter’s death. She had died 19 years ago in a car accident when she was 18 years old. His yearly ritual is to go bowling on that day — an activity that they both enjoyed together. However this year, given the need to isolate, bowling was out of the question.
The coronavirus pandemic has robbed so many of us who are grieving of the rituals and support that we would normally lean on to make it through these difficult days. These “secondary losses,” the loss of traditions that sustain us through grief now are unavailable, requiring us to “reinvent the wheel” in order to comfort ourselves, lessen the pain of grief and feed our wounded souls.
Regardless of whether the losses were recent or in years past, whether caused by a virus or a car accident, it is part of our genetic makeup to acknowledge and honor dead loved ones, memorialize, remember and share our grief with others. Every culture holds funerals, memorials and gatherings in response to death. For many, the realization that we have lost someone we love often begins with the funeral. These ceremonies, witnessed by our community, begin the process of mourning.
Family, friends, neighbors and colleagues also have a need to reach out to us when a loss topples our world. And although we may be unable to show up at a funeral or memorial given the COVID-19 pandemic, we can still “show up” by reaching out — with a phone call, text, email or a letter to offer the consolation that is so needed and appreciated by grieving families.
Today, with our prospects for funerals and memorials being challenged, those in mourning are looking for creative opportunities to acknowledge and share our grief. My friend found it on Facebook. Many of his friends and neighbors have responded and posted reassuring messages to let him know he is not alone. We do not have to be denied our gatherings —memorials are being zoomed, posted and planned in advance. Families are creating slide shows, memorial pages and videos.
Research suggests that social support is one of the most significant protective factors that helps us adjust to loss. It is why grief peer-support groups for all ages are so well-attended and effective. They offer an alternative for those seeking support and information for their families at a challenging juncture in their lives. Today, that support is available in virtual groups by the Children’s Bereavement Center and Lift From Loss programs, serving South Florida.
There is no closure after loss; grief doesn’t wrap up after a funeral. But there is acknowledgment, memorialization, remembrance and social support to help us rebuild our lives. We just have to get creative.
Dr. Mindy Cassel, Ph.D., is co-founder and senior advisor ofChildren’s Bereavement Center.
The Children’s Bereavement Center holds free online weekly grief-support groups for children, teens and parents/caregivers and Lift From Loss groups for adults. Contact the CBC at 305-668-4902, Ext. 1 or email info@childbereavement.org.
This story was originally published April 27, 2020 at 4:42 PM.