The ‘third place’ hasn’t vanished. Miamians just forgot how to use it | Opinion

I moved to Miami almost a year ago. Outside of my colleagues, I don’t know many people here. In the past, when I’ve moved to new places, I was working on political campaigns, so my social circle revolved around campaign events and happy hours with fellow campaign staffers. This time I’ve had to seek out a community on my own. It’s been challenging.

I’ve joined a gym and attend Mass on Sundays, but even in spaces meant to foster community, it’s been difficult to connect with others. Workout classes leave little time for conversation, and after Mass, some linger, while others head to their cars. These are gathering places, but they aren’t always functioning as meeting places.

A friend visiting recently said, “It must be hard to meet people in Miami because the third place has disappeared.”

The term “third place” was coined by the late sociologist Ray Oldenburg to describe places where people meet outside of their home — first place — and work — second place. Coffee shops, bars, bookstores and community centers once served as third places where people gathered to exchange ideas and build relationships. For generations, these spaces served as America’s town square, pillars of civic life where neighbors became friends.

In Miami, there’s no lack of third places. But there’s been a fundamental shift in how they’re used.

Walk into any coffee shop and there are people sitting in front of their laptops with their headphones on. At bars, friends sit together and scroll on their phones.

The third place exists, but the culture of connection seems to be missing.

I’m not the only one noticing the void. Laurie Cooper, a real estate broker in New York City and social media influencer, recently posted a video on TikTok, encouraging people — specifically, women — to log off dating apps and go out to meet people. Cooper is credited with starting the viral TikTok trend calling it, “Sit at the bar September.” The concept is simple: Go out and meet people.

But when was the last time you sat alone at a bar and talked with strangers in real life? For many, the answer is before the invention of the iPhone.

It’s not just about dating. Our failure to engage in face-to-face interaction when a computer or phone is present is a broader comment on civic life, or lack of it. Democracy requires citizens to see one another as human beings, not online avatars. Third places create space for shared experiences and a place to find common ground.

When we stop using them that way, the opportunity for connection and conversation becomes lost.

Some developers have taken note. In Miami, some luxury residential buildings have begun designing tech-free amenity spaces with the intention of fostering real life connections.

But re-creating the town square shouldn’t be limited to those who can afford multi-million dollar condos. Civil society depends on ties built in everyday spaces.

Bringing back the conversation of the public square requires more than constructing new buildings — it requires a cultural shift. “Sit at the bar September” should be embraced year-round, not just for dating but to build community.

This requires putting our phones down and talking to strangers. For introverts like me, it means leaning into the awkwardness.

Today, showing up requires intention — saying hello to the person at the coffee shop — and resistance to doomscrolling while standing in line at Publix.

Third places matter because they ground us. They remind us life happens face-to-face, not through curated social media newsfeeds. They expose us to people and ideas that we might not seek out but could learn from.

The health of our democracy doesn’t rest solely on formal institutions — it depends on human connection.

My friend was right — it’s hard to meet people in Miami. But the problem isn’t that third places are gone — it’s because we’ve stopped using them. If we want our communities to thrive, we’ll have to show up in person.

Mary Anna Mancuso is a member of McClatchy’s Miami Herald Editorial Board. Her email: mmancuso@miamiherald.com