Florida

Ryan Lochte wants to play his party game with you. The prize? 2 nights in Gainesville.

In this Tuesday, Aug. 9, 2016, file photo, United States’ Ryan Lochte checks his time in a men’s 4x200-meter freestyle heat during the swimming competitions at the 2016 Summer Olympics, in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
In this Tuesday, Aug. 9, 2016, file photo, United States’ Ryan Lochte checks his time in a men’s 4x200-meter freestyle heat during the swimming competitions at the 2016 Summer Olympics, in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. AP

“Dead hooker in your bed?”

“Hemorrhoids?”

“Your new neighbor is OJ.”

Hey, s--- happens. And if anyone knows about that happening, it’s swimming champion Ryan Lochte. Recall, the Gainesville Olympic swimmer created an international incident when he was charged with filing a false robbery report while out with the boys in Rio after his events at the Summer Games in 2016.

The reformed bad boy — well, he is a new dad and did an apology tour performance on “Dancing With the Stars” — has turned his misfortune into an opportunity by partnering with former “Saturday Night Live” writer Andy Breckman to promote the adult card game, S--- Happens. (The dashes are ours. Lochte and Breckman are not so shy.)

Ryan Lochte swim dwts
Ryan Lochte and Cheryl Burke on “Dancing With The Stars.” Eric McCandless TNS/ABC

To promote the game Breckman created, the 12-time Olympic medalist has launched his S--- Happens Card Game Contest. “Tell me your funniest sh--ty story,” Lochte implores in a new video on his Twitter and Facebook pages.

He’s asking fans to submit their funniest unfortunate stories for an opportunity to win the game and to play it with him over dinner at The Swamp Restaurant in Gainesville near the University of Florida, where he trained and studied, so to speak.

Ten people will win the board game. One grand-prize winner will get a three-day, two-night trip for two to Gainesville to meet and match stories with Lochte.

To acquaint fans with the party game, Lochte posted a video from The Swamp as he played several rounds with three pals.

In the game, players draw cards marked with unfortunate situations using a “misery index” ranked from zero to 100 (100 being the absolute worst). The object of the game is to accumulate 10 cards in the correct order.

As Lochte and his pals played, they drew cards with scenarios such as “Thanksgiving with your dysfunctional family.” “Your spouse [has sex] with the person to your left.” And — quelle horreur — “Getting trapped in an elevator with a Mariah Carey song.”

Describing another card they played — an activity performed on a person by boxer Mike Tyson that nets players a lot of points — would not fly in a family publication.

“S--- happens to everyone,” Lochte said in a release. “That’s why I love this party game. It’s relatable on so many levels and it’s all about not taking life too seriously.”

Follow @HowardCohen on Twitter.

How to enter

Tell Ryan Loche your funniest, s---tiest story. Contest judges will select 10 first-prize winners to receive the card game. One grand-prize winner gets a three-day, two-night trip for two to Gainesville to play the game over dinner with Loche at The Swamp Restaurant. Entries will be accepted until Dec. 17, 2017. You have to be a legal resident of the United States or Canada (excluding Quebec) and be 18 years or older.

Submit entries online here.

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