‘Helicopter parents’ are more common than you think, poll finds. Signs you may be one
Parents may unknowingly be practicing overly protective parenting strategies with their children, a new poll finds.
In an Oct. 16 report from the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, researchers looked into how parents viewed independence for their children and whether they practice independent skills. While many parents valued independence in their children, fewer allowed their children to do certain activities without adult supervision.
The report is based on 1,044 poll responses from parents of children between 5-11 years old, with a margin of error of plus or minus between 2 and 5 percentage points.
Independence starts when children are a few months old and continues to grow, Mott Poll co-director Sarah Clark told McClatchy News. As a child grows older, they are presented with more opportunities to practice independent skills — if parents allow it.
What were some major findings in the poll?
Clark said there seemed to be a “disconnect” between parents recognizing that independence is important to children and practicing it on a day-to-day basis.
Among parents of children between 5-8 years old, 74% said “they make it a point to have their child do things themselves,” according to the report. But when looking at a variety of independent activities:
- 47% said their child “regularly engages” in speaking with a doctor or nurse during a health visit
- 30% said they let their child decide how to use their allowance or gift money
- 24% said their child speaks to “unfamiliar adults in business situations” like telling a server their order at a restaurant
- 20% said their child makes their own meal or snack
Among parents of children between ages 9 and 11, 84% “agree that children benefit from having free time without adult supervision.” Again, the number of parents who let their child do a variety of independent activities was much lower:
- 58% said they let their child stay home by themselves for between 30 and 60 minutes
- 50% said their child finds items away from their parents in a store
- 44% said their child stays in the car when running an errand
- 33% said their child walks or bikes to a friend’s house
- 29% said their child plays with a friend in the park without an adult present
- 15% said their child goes trick-or-treating with friends with no adult supervision
The biggest reason parents cited for not allowing their child to do certain activities by themselves was worry for their safety, according to the report.
Forty-four percent of parents of children between ages 5 and 8 and 54% of parents of children between ages 9 and 11 cited this as their reasoning, the poll found.
Worry cited in the poll has seemed to worsen over the years, Clark said, and a large part of that has to do with a parent’s environment. Conversations over security heightened noticeably after 9/11, she said, and other issues such as school shootings have added to parents’ anxiety over protecting their children.
Society can also be critical and “quick to blame” parents for not protecting their children enough, Clark said, which makes parents worried that they aren’t setting a good example.
Other reasons parents cited for not allowing their child to do certain activities included the activity not being a family habit, believing the child doesn’t want to be independent, the child’s lack of maturity and the activity taking too long if a child does it.
Clark said she found the poll results surprising.
“Generally, I think today’s kids are very capable and I’m just kind of sad they aren’t getting opportunities to show it,” Clark said. “So I think it shows us that we can do a little better.”
Signs of ‘helicopter parenting’
“Helicopter parenting” is when a parent is “always hovering over their child’s every move,” according to Cleveland Clinic.
It typically comes from “a genuine place of wanting to help provide support for kids as they grow up,” and it is important to be mindful of what children are doing, according to Cleveland Clinic. But balance is key.
“If you find yourself staying alert over your child’s every action and choice and are always nearby, paying close attention to every activity and interaction, you may be helicopter parenting,” Cleveland Clinic says.
Cleveland Clinic says other signs of “helicopter parenting” include a child being hesitant to tell their parents things or let them meet their friends, being unable to face “age-appropriate obstacles” independently, expecting “hard tasks to be done for them”, being unable to handle “challenging situations” and being “antisocial and uncomfortable with new people.”
How lack of independence can harm childhood development
There was a time when “helicopter parenting” was believed to have some merits, Clark said. But research has found that it may be causing long-lasting mental health impacts on young adults who were raised with an overprotective parenting strategy, she said.
How can parents give their children more independence?
Giving children opportunities to be independent throughout their growth will be more helpful to them in the long run, she said.
“Parents can be more purposeful about fostering independence by considering if there is a good reason not to let the child do a particular task,” the report said. “From there, parents can look for opportunities to encourage their child to practice new skills and experiences, particularly with grocery shopping, meal preparation or clean-up, or other everyday tasks.”
Parents can work on decreasing their anxiety around letting their child do things on their own, according to report. Limiting themselves to brief check-ins while a child is with friends is a good way to maintain their child’s independence.
“If children are meeting friends at the library, mall or park, parents may check in with staff or with other parents to feel comfortable that the location is appropriate,” the report said.
Teaching children how to identify a “trusted adult” and ask for help will help teach them how to get assistance in an emergency situation, the report says.
Schools can be a “really helpful partner” in helping children become more independent, Clark said.
“Fourth grade is for fourth graders. Mom and Dad, you did fourth grade already,” Clark said. “But now it is Johnny’s time or Susie’s time to learn to do this.”
This story was originally published October 19, 2023 at 10:08 AM.
