Do you need detailed directions for bacon? This Vermont meat company will give you cooking instructions, alright.
“Every American should know how to cook bacon,” says the cooking instructions section of packages of bacon distributed by Black River Meats.
And if you don’t, Black River doesn’t want to hear it. The company’s packaging takes snark to a level rarely seen in the world of food labeling.
“If you really don’t know how to cook bacon, please contact our elected officials and complain about our education system,” the instructions say , after only a brief mention of cooking the thick-sliced fatback on low-medium heat until the breakfast goodness renders and reaches your “desired level of crispiness.”
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It reads like something straight out of Ron Swanson’s “Pyramid of Greatness,” with the snark of that friend who’s never met a salad he or she liked, and has never heard of this thing people are calling “quinoa.”
And the backhanded packaging is getting a rise out of hundreds of thousands of social media users, too, many of whom were disappointed to learn that they can’t buy the bacon at their local stores. Black River only distributes its products throughout Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Massachusetts and the western portion of Upstate New York, according to the company’s website.
Meteorologist Joe Crain of WICS in Illinois shared an image of the snarky bacon instructions on his Facebook page Thursday, and by Saturday afternoon, his post had been shared more than 160,000 times and drawn more than 1,100 comments.
One of those shares came from the company’s own Facebook page, prompting bacon lovers all over the U.S. to start requesting special orders.
“If you sold in TX, I would only buy your brand because of this packaging statement,” one user wrote.
“Too bad you’re not in South Carolina,” wrote another.
“Best. packaging. ever. Do you ship to Florida?” someone else asked.
One simply commented, in all caps, “CALIFORNIA.”
The sleuths at Snopes checked into the bacon cooking instructions swirling around the internet and weighed in with a big green check mark.
It’s not Photoshopped. And while some on the internet say it’s maybe more than a smidge disrespectful, it’s the real McCoy.
“Great packaging bigots,” said one critic on Facebook. “Guess those Americans that keep kosher or halal aren’t “real Americans” in your eyes?”
“The flippant instructions are disturbing,” another Facebook commenter joked. “Where are the cooking instructions regarding recommended internal temperature. AND, not a single warning against cooking nekked (sic).”
Sean Buchanan, vice president of sales and marketing at Black River, told Snopes “it was intended to be a mixture of humor and seriousness, because what’s the world coming to if people don’t know how to cook something as simple as bacon?”