If you feel wronged, take note: Forgiveness is soul food for the heart | Opinion

Today, my musing is about forgiveness, and how we know if we have forgiven someone. Thinking about forgiveness rests heavily on my mind because of some of the things I have gone through with friends, strangers, and even family members. I have said, in my mind, and, also to others, “… but I have forgiven them…”

Yet in my musing, I have learned that forgiveness is so much bigger than the 11 characters it takes to make up the word. It is more than simply saying, “I forgive you…”. Forgiveness takes heart — a big, warm, heart. It takes a meek and humble spirit because when you truly want to forgive someone who has wronged you, you must take a humble stand. And for many of us, that is not easy position to take. That is because too many people seem to your meekness for weakness.

When you truly want to forgive someone, my advice is to seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness. How? You approach His throne of grace with humility, praying for Him to give you a forgiving heart and a teachable spirit; and for the words you need to approach the individual(s) who have wronged you. Very often, the perpetrator won’t even realize he/she has hurt you.

For example, sometime ago a young woman in my church was acting a bit cool toward me. At first, I thought she wasn’t feeling well. But the coolness spread out over a few days. I kept her in prayer, thinking that either she was going through something at home or that she wasn’t feeling well. Then one day in church she said to me, “I need to talk to you about something.”

The Lord had opened the door and had given her enough wisdom to not carry around a grudge any longr, but to approach me with her concern. Sure enough, she told me that I had said something to her a few days earlier that had hurt her feelings. When she explained what it was that I had said, I was taken back. I had no idea that I had hurt her feelings. So, I said to her, “Baby, you have known me ever since you were a toddler. Have you ever known me to say something mean or hurtful to anybody? She answered, “No.”

Then I said, “I noticed your coolness towards me, but I thought you weren’t feeling well.” And then, I asked her for forgiveness for whatever I had said to her that hurt her feelings. Immediately, a smile lit up her pretty face and she said, “I didn’t want to think that you would hurt my feelings just like that…”

My young friend had taken a great step on the road to forgiveness. She approached me humbly and without bitterness. Yet, I saw the hurt in her eyes. And that hurt me, too. We were in church, and I squeezed her hand with love. What a relief it was — for her and for me, too!

First, we talked about what it was that she thought I had done to hurt her. Then we cleared it up, making way for forgiveness to enter.

Not all misunderstandings are cleared up as easily. Often, some people go on for years, carrying around a grudge so heavy that it causes them to stumble spiritually. Some even die, naturally, carrying the grudge to the grave with them. That is because the deed done to them was so big, and the guilty party simply went on with his/her life as though nothing had happened. The hurt just weighed the victim down, slowly sucking up his/her spirit. And sometimes, his/her life.

I was once one of those hurting like that. Those who hurt me seemed to go on about their life, seeking new ways to hurt me, never saying “I’m sorry.” Still, as I thought of the bad things some people had done to me, it placed me in a kind of comfort spot.

Looking back, to my shame, I seemed to enjoy wallowing in my own pity. That is, until the day I was telling one of my goddaughters about an incident that had hurt me immensely and could have cost me my job and reputation. Surely, she would join me at my pity party and even dance with me!

Not!

My goddaughter was a newly saved Christian, who was wise beyond her years. When I finished telling her my sad story, instead of feeling sorry for me and joining me in my pity party, she simply said, “But Goddie, you must forgive them. If you don’t, carrying this around in your heart can kill you spiritually, and even physically. Forgiving them will heal you. Forgiveness is for you.”

Until then, I hadn’t seen forgiveness in that light. I paused. I was speechless. When I was sober enough to think straight again, the first thought that came to mind was “… Out of the mouth of babes…” Here was a newly saved Christian, a baby in the Lord, so to seek, giving me strong and stable advice. I thanked her. Sincerely. She had just helped to save my life.

Now, when I forgive someone, I know it because of the freedom that seems to sweep over me. It doesn’t even matter if I am asked for forgiveness. What matters is that I forgive — not just in words, but from my heart.

Looking back at my conversation with my goddaughter, I am truly thankful for a heart to forgive, but also for a heart that is teachable. Because I had an open, and teachable heart, it didn’t matter that my goddaughter was young enough to be my biological daughter and that she was newly saved. What mattered is that the Lord will use whomever and whatever He will, to reach a willing soul. In my case, that happened to be my young goddaughter.

My goddaughter is now all grown up, with a family of her own. Recently, I reminded her about that conversation and how it touched my life, and that I have been sharing the story with other ever since. She was surprised and admitted that she didn’t remember the conversation at all. And that is fine. The important thing is that God used her that day to reach out to me.

I don’t know why the Lord put this subject in my spirit and to write about it. Maybe it is because just like me, many years ago, someone today needs this message:

Forgiveness is soul food for the heart, and it is timeless.

Bea L. Hines can be reached at bea.hines@gmail.com.