Watching my great-grandson grow, I’m reminded: Boys are different from girls in every way | Opinion

Recently my 15-year-old great-grandson spent some time with me before traveling to England to spend Christmas with his grandmother Debra Hines, his Auntie Jamie and cousins Tavaris, also 15, and Halle, 7. (My granddaughter Jamie is serving in the U.S. Air Force and is stationed in England).

My daughter-in-law moved to Valdosta, Georgia, about two years ago. Last year, Jaylen moved there with her. When Debra told me her plans to spend the holidays in England, taking Jaylen along with her, I was concerned about his grades. She informed me she had arranged with Jaylen’s teachers in Valdosta for him to be allowed to do advanced work at his grade level. Jaylen proudly completed his classroom work and passed with good grades.

Debra flew on to England while Jaylen stayed behind with me for a couple of weeks. Having him with me has taught me one important lesson first off: This is not the same, sweet, baby-talking little Jaylen of a few years ago. Being around him has solely convinced me, dear friends, the Lord knew exactly what He was doing when he gave the job of mothering to young women.

Not only is his generation’s language strange to me and my peers (he seems to talk in riddles in an unknown tongue): Their attitude is stranger, too. And oh, so much more different than mine was when I was 15. But then, that was many, many generations ago. And a lot of water has flowed under that bridge since I was 15.

Watching Jaylen maneuver his way around my house and my rules had me thinking back to the time when his grandfather James (aka Ricky) and granduncle Shawn (my two sons) were his age.

I remember thinking how, although I loved them deeply, I really didn’t like them very much when they were between the ages of 13 and 18. That was the time they were alien to me. They spoke a different language. Not only did I not understand their language, I did not understand them. Period.

During that time, I barely understood anything my sons said. Most of the time, whatever they said was mumbled under their breath. I was constantly asking, “What… what did you say…?”

I find myself doing the same thing with Jaylen. Like with my sons, I am trying to give Jaylen the benefit of the doubt. I am attributing much of his mumbling to “the voice change,” which starts just about the time boys reach age 13.

When Ricky and Shawn were in their early teens, I read somewhere about the “phases” children, go through at different ages. While Shawn was the quieter of my two sons, marching to the beat of his own drum, Ricky brought the drama into the house, demanded attention as he went through ALL the childhood phases.

I learned early on that rearing boys as a single mom would be challenging.

I remember the first time I had to go to a sports store to purchase an athletic supporter for Ricky. I didn’t know the proper name for the item, so I embarrassingly asked the store clerk for a “jock strap” to fit my blushing 14-year-old Ricky. Thankfully, the clerk understood my embarrassment and he helped me through the sale.

I had known all along that I would have to pray my way through this phase of our lives. And I did.

Still, for some reason unknown to me, Ricky thought that because I was a widow, that made him man-of-the-house. Mind you, I was the sole provider, but that didn’t matter at all to my male chauvinist piglet. To him, he was in charge.

An independent fifth-grader

Until I started observing the different phases in Jaylen’s life, I had forgotten what it was like rearing boys. I was startled back to reality when Jaylen was 10 and entering the fifth grade. Until then, he was happy for me to walk to class with him on the first day of school and was not ashamed to give me a hug and kiss as I was leaving him.

But on his first day as a fifth-grader, Jaylen informed me that he was fine walking to class without me. My feelings were hurt. It had been a tradition from when he was in pre-K that I took him to class on the first day. Back then, I had to tear myself away because his little hands clung so tightly to my skirt.

So, I stayed in the car and watched my fifth- grader walk proudly into the school, joining his friends. But I had the last say. I rolled down my car window and yelled, to him: “Bye, Jaylen. Grandma loves you!”

Jaylen never acknowledged that I was calling out to him. He just kept walking, not looking back. And I laughed all the way home. That day was the first time that I realized there was a change in my sweet great-grandson, who used to not mind if I kissed him goodbye at school. From then on, I’d drop him off and say, “Have a great day and I love you.” His response, if any was a barely audible: “Love you, too.”And he was off. A great change was taking place. I was not quite ready.

So, now, here I am with this new model of Jaylen. I’m not quite sure which phase he is going through at the present. I do know that it is foreign to me. Just as foreign as it was when his grandpa and granduncle were his age.

Until Jaylen came along, I had completely forgotten what it was like rearing boys. Being around my granddaughters helped me to see the vast difference between rearing boys and rearing girls.

Helping to rear my granddaughters was a pleasant reprieve. For one thing, they were a lot quieter. And they liked girly things. While I sewed for my sons, there was a special joy in being able to sew for my granddaughters, So I spent hours making pretty dresses and bows and sewing lace on their socks.

It is no secret that boys are different from girls in every way. I am happy that they are. And I am even more happy that I have been afforded the opportunity and strength to be mom, grandma and great-grandma, to three generations.

What a great lesson. And what a great blessing.

Christmas Cantata in Miami Shores

The community is invited to a Christmas Cantata by Pepper Joplin, to be presented by the Miami Shores Community Church Chancel Choir. The free concert will be at 10:30 a.m. on Dec. 18 and is directed by David Nagy.

Bea Hines can be reached at Bea.Hines@gmail.com

This story was originally published December 9, 2022 at 12:00 AM.