Here are a few ways you can help children cope with trauma
No matter how much we want to protect our children, it is impossible to stop them from experiencing tragedy. While parents cannot prevent heartbreak and sadness, they can help give their children the tools needed to build resilience and inner strength to deal with what comes their way, including the recent tragedy in Surfside.
Coping with this tragedy while still in the midst of a worldwide pandemic has exposed our children to an unprecedented level of uncertainty and anxiety. But this is no time to run from the feelings of dread that our kids might be experiencing: It’s time to face them.
Open dialogue: The first thing parents need to do is be available and open to talking about what is happening. If it is uncomfortable for parents, you can only imagine how difficult it can be for children to open up and talk about their feelings. Still, making the effort to sit with children and talk about their feelings, especially during troubling times like these, is a big part of learning how to handle them. When they do open up, listen but also frame the discussion about what’s happening to focus on positives, including how the community, country and world have come together to help look for survivors and support families.
Be patient and aware: While we want our children to express their feeling to us, they may not be ready to do so when we are. Don’t force the issue if they are not ready. Instead, be patient and available for them. Bring the issues up more than once and observe their actions and moods. Just because they say they are feeling fine, doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings and emotions that need to be addressed. There is a balance to be struck between helping them face their emotions and letting them come to you in their own time — do your best to be sensitive to both sides.
Talk about and limit news exposure: Only our youngest children may be spared from the endless media coverage of events like the Surfside tragedy and even they are likely to get glimpses of what’s going on. Talk with your children about what they might have seen or heard and listen to their impressions about what’s going on. To the extent possible, prevent them from taking in too much of the coverage as it may be overwhelming. Older children and adolescents may want to know what’s going on, but devoting too much of their attention to news coverage can lead to depression and a sense of dread.
How to make sense of things that don’t make sense: An open and frank discussion about the Surfside tragedy will invariably lead to the question of why this happened. Some questions are difficult, if not impossible, to answer satisfactorily. It’s okay to not know the answers to all our child’s questions and to let them know so. But don’t stop with that.
Reassure them that they are safe: Not knowing how to explain why something happened can leave children unsure and scared, which is something parents should try to avoid. To counter this, explain to them that they and their families are safe. Let them know that if they ever feel scared, unsure, or confused, you and their support structure will be there to comfort and protect them.
Make help available if needed: Parents are the first and most important part of getting their children through tragedies, but they are not the only ones. There are resources and groups offering all manner of support. If you feel that your child’s emotional state is deteriorating don’t hesitate in looking for additional help. The Children’s Trust set up a Crisis Support page that lists organizations offering mental and emotional support while Miami-Dade County has a general resources page for the Surfside tragedy.
K. Lori Hanson, Ph.D., licensed psychologist and chief of research, evaluation and strategic planning at The Children’s Trust, has more than 20 years’ experience assessing critical data and community research regarding the needs of children and families. For more information, visit thechildrenstrust.org.