It didn’t happen. Not really. But as far as Miami stories go it seemed perfectly plausible.
At two dozen locations, Sedano’s Supermarket reportedly unveiled ethnic food aisles this week -- stocked with “exotic” foods like Smuckers Uncrustables, almond milk, American “cheese” and Hamburger Helper. Also on the way in majority-minority South Florida, a Sedano’s featuring an in-store buffet operated by Golden Corral.
In an exclusive interview in the Plantain — “Miami’s, like, most super news source, bro” — a store spokesman revealed that the chain was seeking to broaden its base with the increasing number of Anglos moving into the area. And, well, “white people love buffets.”
Of course, anyone reading Miami’s newest media start-up for news is apt to be confused, and most assuredly mocked. Nothing printed on the fledgling satirical publication’s homepage is true — except the story about Pitbull and Monica Lewinsky headlining eMerge Americas. That actually happened.
But in Miami, where the absurd is often reality, the site’s founders have aspired to create the city’s sweet, sweet answer to the satirical news site the Onion.
“I’m doing this until it stops being fun,” said Justin Wales, a first amendment attorney with Carlton Fields by day, satirist by night.
Wales launched the site in mid-March on a whim, after joking with his wife that tanking then- presidential candidate Marco Rubio would likely end up selling hoverboards at Bayside Marketplace. He posted the “article” on Facebook and got a positive reaction, and so, with help from co-founder Mai Sari, thePlantain.com went live on March 16.
Since then, Wales and several contributors associated with the young politicos’ group Engage Miami have riffed on everything local from Ultra Music Festival to gentrification in Little Havana. When the Frost Museum of Science received a $49 million bailout from the county this month to finish the construction of its new Biscayne Boulevard home, the Plantain reported that the museum’s board had actually sold its site to Panther Coffee.
Saturday’s Miami Beach Floatopia fiasco? Check.
The annual savaging of Miami by some New York socialite columnist? Burn.
But getting mocked by the publication isn’t all bad. Miami Filmmaker Billy Corben, needled this week for his “off-tune nebbish charm,” joked on Twitter that making the Plantain was on his “bucket list.”
Wales said he wants to make people laugh, but he also hopes to inform people through satire, a la the Daily Show.
“You don’t have to take every issue so seriously that people don't want to pay attention,” he said.