5 guys you meet on Miami’s dating scene

You know, the one who always seems to know who’s playing at what club and always has a table with bottle service waiting at each? The one who doesn’t travel anywhere without a gaggle of models or naive young college girls trailing in his wake? Until, of course, you steal his heart and encourage him to set his sights on the club General Manager position…

The tell: he leaves slightly creepy comments on your Instagram photos, followed by an invitation to join him at Club XYZ, #bottles #turnup

The tell: The Swole Bro is easily discernable by his neanderthal-like silhouette, his excessive use of neon, and his incessant gym selfies.

The one who’s parents live in some far off exotic land to the South or the East, and supply him with a seemingly endless stream of cash to go with his cushy Brickell penthouse apartment and his gunmetal Audi R8.

The tell: “Budget” is a foreign word for this guy. Just roll with it while it lasts – say goodbye to drink special hunting and hello to champagne at Caviar Russe.

While not always as douchey as the Promoter, the Aspiring DJ can either be impressively talented, extremely endearing, or incredibly annoying. In between playing gigs, producing the next big hit, and waiting for his big break, eventually he’ll have to come to terms with the fact that the booth is rarely ever big enough for two, let alone a relationship.

The tell: Music is his life, and he’ll never stop letting you (and anyone who will listen) know it.

Who’s probably married. And probably old enough to be your dad. But his salt-and-pepper hair kind of reminds you of Richard Gere in “Pretty Woman”, and he seems so much more focused and grounded than The Aspiring DJ, and so much sweeter and more genuine than The Promoter, The Swole Bro, and The Foreign Prince. And then, after a nice dinner at The Forge and brunch at Cecconi’s he’s gone, back to life away from Miaimi. He leaves you his card and promises to hit you up next time he’s in town. Sigh. 

The tell: Like we said, think Richard Gere in Pretty Woman.