Urban Beach Week is here. Here’s how Miami Beach is making it weird

South Beach is without a doubt the most undignified (lit) place in the country every Memorial Day Weekend. But Miami Beach city officials just couldn’t leave revelers to enjoy an unsolicited (celebratory) twerk while strolling down Ocean Drive. No, they had to present an intentionally contradictory event that could potentially strangle the life out of the three-day party that is Urban Beach Week.

Read More: Memorial Day Weekend events in Miami for patriots, reggae lovers and BBQ fans

But it’s going to get weird before things (get boring) go in this new re-branded direction. The city is welcoming families (yea, with children) to celebrate service members who died in United States wars at a military air-and-sea show Saturday through Monday.

Read More: Air and sea show in Miami Beach hopes to ‘bring back the true spirit of Memorial Day’

The Miami Herald explains the event as a bunch of sanitized fun:

The Beach will host a military air-and-sea show as part of a National Salute to American Heroes, a two-day event that police expect to draw thousands to the beach and Lummus Park, between 10th and 14th Streets. There will be power-boat racing, airplane acrobatics and nautical displays, all for free.

The show means that a bunch of people looking to pay respect to fallen soldiers will be on the streets with a bunch of tipsy, half-naked women and all the men they may attract (who were there first, by the way).

And if that’s not uncomfortable enough, there will be tents at Fifth, Eighth, 10th and 13th streets to remind visitors that Miami Beach is, in fact, attempting to shift away from its Urban Beach Week demographic.

Ocean and Eighth, once the most populous entryway to the beach, will now be the most populous entryway to the beach AND the place where parents will admit they might lose their kids over the weekend. That’s because from those four tents along Ocean Drive, volunteers will hand out identification wristbands made specifically for children.

Usually wristbands indicate one’s ability to legally consume alcohol. But not this Memorial Day Weekend, Miami Beach officials said. Since adults will be looking at planes in the sky, boats in the water and not their children, Miami Beach officials decided a solution to the possibility of screaming children lost in the chaos on Ocean Drive is screaming children lost in the chaos on Ocean Drive WITH wristbands listing their parents’ phone numbers.

We’re not saying it’s going to be a mess. We’re saying it’s going to be a sh– show.

This story was originally published May 22, 2017 at 12:05 AM.