We know what you’re thinking. You believe the very idea of a Broward bucket list is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard. It’s as absurd as arriving at a party on time or willingly moving to Doral.
Nothing is as absurd as moving to Doral, and also you are wrong about Broward. There are so many special things about our northern neighbor, and there are many wonderful things you should do there before you die. (Note: Driving north from Miami at rush hour is not one of them.)
So prepare yourself for a thrill a minute as you cross the county line. Here’s your Broward bucket list so that you can live a happy, fulfilled, Browarding kind of life.
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(Author’s note: Do not get up in our grill about leaving Pembroke Pines off this list. There hasn’t been anything worth doing in Pembroke Pines since they tore down the Sportatorium.)
Get drunk at the Elbo Room
This activity is a time-honored Fort Lauderdale tradition. The beachside bar, which opened in 1938, was made famous in a old-time movie entitled “Where the Boys Are,” which highlighted those ancient spring break days when college students headed to Fort Lauderdale Beach for binge-drinking and unplanned pregnancies.
Elbo Room, 241 S. Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd., Fort Lauderdale
Eat the Kitchen Sink at Jaxson’s
Carbs are your friends, especially when you can eat a sink’s worth of ice cream in a single sitting. You need at least four people and a low cholesterol count to order this.
Jaxson’s Ice Cream Parlour & Restaurant, 128 S Federal Hwy., Dania Beach
Visit the Mai-Kai
This hotspot for Browarding features the longest-running Polynesian dance show in the country. The LONGEST RUNNING POLYNESIAN DANCE SHOW, people! You eat Cantonese food, sip powerful rum drinks and watch dudes twirl batons that are on fire. Also legit Polynesian dancing. They don’t have this kind of entertainment in Downtown Dadeland.
Mai-Kai Restaurant & Polynesian Show, 3599 N. Federal Hwy., Fort Lauderdale
Fish for dinner without a boat
Experience the 24-hour-nonstop party action at Anglins Fishing Pier in Fort Lauderdale, where you can walk out on the pier for $2 or fish for $7. (You can also fish at Dania Beach Pier, 300 N. Beach Road, which is open 6 a.m.-midnight – and there’s a Quarterdeck restaurant on the pier.)
Anglins Fishing Pier, 2 Commercial Blvd., Lauderdale-by-the-Sea
Shop at Sawgrass Mills
If you decide to visit this outlet nirvana, which is roughly the size of the Atlantic Ocean, do not go between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day unless you really hate yourself.
Sawgrass Mills, 12801 W Sunrise Blvd, Sunrise
Bike on the Hollywood Broadwalk
Yes, it’s Broadwalk, not Boardwalk. Because Hollywood is special like that.
Ride a water taxi
Travel past mansions and feel your class rage grow.
Water taxis have several stops along the Intracoastal.
Watch the Winterfest Boat Parade
Pro tip: Stake out your spot now for this Dec. 14 event.
See a movie at the biggest IMAX screen in South Florida
Those IMAX screens at Sunset Place and Aventura are hot garbage. The IMAX at the Museum of Discovery and Science is the only legit screen in South Florida.
Auto Nation IMAX 3D Theater, 401 SW Second St., Fort Lauderdale
Bet on a horse at Gulfstream Park
You can bet on live races or simulcasts. You will certainly lose. The consolation prize is that you can then take a photo of the amazing giant Pegasus statue in the parking lot.
Gulfstream Park, 901 S. Federal Highway, Hallandale Beach
Eat a bunch of things Yellow Green Farmers Market
If you can survive the parking nightmare, you can eat your fill at the booths and take home some good stuff, too (we recommend Bang Shack dip).
Yellow Green Farmers Market, 1940 N. 30th Road, Hollywood
Purchase junk you don’t need at the Swap Shop
It’s a drive-in movie theater. No! It’s a flea market. Wait. It’s a farmers market. Hold up – there are rides, too. There are so many things to do at the Swap Shop, you won’t even know where to start. But you will probably start buying some cheap crap you don’t need.
Swap Shop, 3291 W. Sunrise Blvd. Fort Lauderdale,
Hang with the Broward version of hipsters at FATVillage Arts District
Breaking news! Broward has hipsters now. You can find them the last Saturday of every month at this tiny warehouse district, wishing Wynwood wasn’t so far away.
FATVillage Arts District, 521 NW First Ave., Fort Lauderdale