Yes, yes, New Year’s Eve is amateur night for party people, but so what? What’s wrong with being amateurs once in a while? Just ask Justin Bieber (doh, that would be immature) and the Kardashians (who are we kidding here? They’re pros). Sometimes, however, ignorance is indeed bliss, as is open bar, even if it costs you your 2016 rent and utilities. Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Sure, why not. Here’s to a happy, healthy, hilarious 2016.
Celebrities A-Zzzzz and XXX
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When it comes to kicking out the old and ringing in the new, there’s none better than Pamela Anderson, who will be hosting Viceroy Miami’s (485 Brickell Ave.) NYE celebration on the rooftop at FIFTY Ultra Lounge. The penultimate and final Playboy pinup will indeed be there along with her bestie, drag diva Elaine Lancaster, all to benefit her eponymous foundation. General admission starts at $100 per person. For more info, go to www.fiftymiami.com. If Scarface is more your thing than Baywatch, Manny Ribera–er, Steven Bauer is hosting the Havana Nights bash at the Catalina Hotel (1720 Collins Ave.), where $95 gets you a buffet, premium open bar and performances by Jorge Moreno and the Spam Allstars. For tickets, go to www.catalinahotel.com. For a really random celebrity NYE party, actress Taryn Manning, who, like every other young Hollywood starlet is also a DJ, is spinning at the one at the Shore Club along with Grammy-nominated producer Dave Audé. Get this, though: this party is allegedly FREE to the first 200 who RSVP. For the person who is the 201st to RSVP, stay home. For information, go to www.shoreclub.com. Last, but not least, is the inexplicably popular Drake, who will help countdown to ’16 at E11EVEN Miami’s (29 NE 11th St.) bash, featuring DJ Irie, open bar and passed hors d’oeuvres from 9 p.m. to midnight. Tickets were, at the time of this writing, $300 (!) per person, but were scheduled to go up as it gets closer. For tix, go to www.11miami.com/nye, but we’d suggest you save that money for your therapist to analyze why you’d pay that much to party with a Degrassi Junior High alum.
Music, Makes the People Come Together
Ball & Chain, 1513 SW 8th St., is an excellent place to get your live music fix on Dec. 31, starting at the ungodly hour of 6 p.m. with Pepe Montes and his Conjunto, performing until 10 p.m. followed by a DJ set by Danis La Clave until the even more ungodly hour of 4 a.m. Best of all, though, admission is free! That’s not the case, however, at the Pineapple Stage, where, at 10 p.m. Tito Puente, Jr. will perform two sets followed by a surprise guest DJ from 1 a.m. until closing. Tickets, including open bar, are $100 and available at www.wantickets.com/ballandchain. Over at El Tucán, you get dinner and a show with a performance by Cuban cabaret act El Tropicana de Cuba, performing for the first time in the US after 32 years, featuring 15 dancers in fabulous costumes and headdresses that would make most drag queens drool. “Prime seating” dinner and show tickets are $450, while upstairs seating and dinner tix are $350 per. For those who don’t eat, it’s $90 which includes champagne from 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. Tickets are available at http://eltucanmiami.com. Those dancing to a different beat will want to check out New Year’s Eve at Hyde Beach, 1701 Collins Ave., with Cedric Gervais, who will spin dance music all night long. General admission tickets start at $150 and include open bar from 9 p.m. until midnight as well as passed dishes from Katsuya. There are, of course, all sorts of VIP packages, including a $6,500 one including a “DJ booth table.” Tickets are available at hydebeach.com/nye. WET Pool at the W South Beach, 2201 Collins Ave., is the venue for the Black and White Masquerade Ball where, starting at 10 p.m. Cris Cab will perform with Chico Castillo the Gypsy and Dallas Austin followed by an 11 p.m. performance by French tropical house duo Klingande and a 7-piece band. $200 tickets include open bar from 9 p.m. until midnight. For $120, skip the pool and head to Wall where an Ibiza-inspired party offers open bar from 11 p.m. until 1 a.m. For tickets, go to http://www.wallmiami.com/event/w-south-beach-new-years-eve-2016/. a>
Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn
Although ticket prices don’t include a room, $250 gets you open bar and a priceless view at the Mondrian South Beach NYE Party, 1100 West Ave., where rotating DJs and fireworks display will keep you distracted from the fact that the $250 doesn’t include one ounce of booze. Tickets are available at joonbug.com. At the Delano Beach Club, 1685 Collins Ave., NYC nightlife legend Suzanne Bartsch continues her lengthy December 31st reign with a Tropical Madness-themed party featuring “mischievous monkeys, cannibal witch doctors and restless natives.” Yikes. For tickets, $250 and up, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
On the Radio
Next to doing shots every time Anderson Cooper giggles at Kathy Griffin, a pretension-free party with open bar is just the ticket. Radio Bar, 814 1st St., is offering just that, where $75 gets you in for open bar from 9 p.m. until 1 a.m. without bells, whistles, monkeys, D-listers and confetti. Just booze and music. Go to radiosouthbeach.com for ticket info.