Miami is better than everyone at coffee. So why does this report say we’re not?
We have made it, Miami. We are a top five coffee city in the United States.
Of course, ask anyone in Miami, and they will assure you we are the no. 1 coffee city in the United States, probably after downing their third cafecito of the day.
But according to WalletHub’s 2020 Best Coffee Cities in America report, Miami is only ranked no. 4.
Now don’t be discouraged. This is improvement. In the 2019 report, Miami was ranked no. 8, which was a whole latte nonsense. We are obsessed with coffee. We have cafetera rings and cafetera skies and monster cafeteras. We have coladas for sharing, which allow us to bring joy wherever we go.
So we’re climbing the caffeine ladder, and we’ve taking aim at Seattle, which is the no. 1 coffee city in the U.S., according to the report.
We would argue that Miami invented the ventanitas that produce wicked brown lightning in a cup and Seattle invented that over-roasted, over-priced dirty bean water that’s only drinkable if you make it yourself. In Miami, there are ventanitas where they will whip actual butter into your colada. Try that with that nasty Pike Place Roast and tell me if it helps.
And don’t even get us started on that pumpkin spice nonsense.
So how did WalletHub come to its conclusions? It compared the 100 largest cities across indicators of coffee culture, including the number of shops per capita, the average price of a pack of coffee, the price of a cappuccino, and the sheer number of coffee drinkers.
Miami and Hialeah were tied for cities with the lowest average price for a pack of coffee. Hialeah also led the pack in the lowest price for a cappuccino and in total number of adult coffee drinkers. Drinking coffee is a religion in Hialeah. Miami, which came in fifth, can only aspire to such greatness.
Hialeah came in no. 42 overall, which we find vaguely suspicious. The worst coffee city in America? Toledo, Ohio. We are never going there.
Here are the Best Coffee Cities in the U.S., according to the report:
Seattle
San Francisco
Portland, Oregon
Miami
Tampa
Pittsburgh
Honolulu
Denver
Oakland, California
Atlanta