Pass the Botox: Miami named the no. 1 city in the United States for aging fast

Miami is obsessed with looking younger. Don’t believe us? Just get on any major highway and look at the billboards for elective surgery. Or talk to your friends and family members freaking out over the fact that beauty is canceled due to the coronavirus quarantine.

But here’s the thing: All the chemical peels in the world can’t change the fact that a new study says that Miami is the American city in which you’re most likely to age quickly.

Yes. Even with that good Botox.

Coventry Direct, a website that helps people sell unwanted life insurance policies, examined factors including sunscreen use, tanning salons per capita and UV index. Also beaches. You remember beaches, right? They used to be open, and we used to spend a lot of time on them.

Here’s what the study said about Miami: “While Miami residents’ sunscreen usage is relatively healthy at almost 35%, the city’s UV index (6) is one of the highest in the country and with 11 recreational beaches within a 25-mile radius of the city-center, sun avoidance becomes increasingly difficult.”

Another Florida city, Tampa, came in at no. 2, with Orlando at no. 11. But there are some surprises in the rest of the top 10: Birmingham, Alabama; Detroit; Riverside, California; New Orleans; Atlanta; San Diego; Boston; and Richmond, Va.

Last time we checked there were no beaches in Birmingham or Riverside, both of which made the top 10. That’s because only 21 percent of the people in Birmingham wear sunscreen and, the study reports, Riverside is the tanning bed capital of the world, with 153 tanning salons per capita, 130 percent more than Los Angeles.

This does explain one thing, though: Maybe it’s why people in Miami are so mean.