CuloClean, a portable bidet, is the coronavirus product Miami never knew it needed

In these uncertain days of the coronavirus outbreak, when friends and family are hoarding toilet paper like it’s made of gold, an unlikely hero has risen.

CuloClean is here to save our butts.

This contraption takes most ordinary water bottles and turns them into a portable bidet, thus eliminating the need for paper or wipes. It also ensures you can brag to friends and family that your lack of toilet paper is a virtue, not the result of poor planning.

Think of CuloClean as a Neti pot for your nether regions. Here’s how it works: You snap the top - which looks like a wine stopper with a tube sticking out of it - onto the top of any plastic water bottle. Insert the tube, then squeeze the bottle to control the pressure of the water. There you have it: an instant, portable bidet.

You can use a Coke bottle, but maybe rinse it first unless you enjoy that sort of thing.

“We usually recommend using hard plastic bottles such as Coca-Cola or Pepsi since you can use them many times before they lose their shape, and you can get a more pressurized jet of water,” says co-creator Ana Vicaria. “Besides, you reduce the possibility to confuse your drinking water bottle with your CuloClean bottle - which could be a bad idea.”

The idea for CuloClean, Vicaria says, came up over dinner with friends. She and her partner Guillermo Maroto, who are from Madrid, Spain, made the first prototype when they were traveling through the forests of Spain’s Basque Country.

“We tried it while hiking,” Vicaria says. “It was love at first try.”

They tried multiple prototypes and urged friends and family to test it, too. The feedback was positive (and frequently mirthful). One successful Kickstarter campaign later, they were selling the product via Amazon.

Right now Amazon is out of stock, but Vicaria says there should be more available later this week. You can also sometimes find CuloClean on eBay (though unless you are super bored and/or adventurous, maybe buy a new and not gently used version).

Coronavirus has not only boosted sales; it has stranded Vicaria and Maroto in Peru, unable to return to quarantined Spain. But Vicaria finds hope in the idea that their invention has virtues beyond the current pandemic.

“I believe people are realizing that toilet paper doesn’t last forever, but CuloClean does,” she says. “I hope this crisis can make people realize that we have to stop using single-use stuff. We need to reduce, reuse and recycle. With CuloClean, you can.”

This story was originally published March 19, 2020 at 1:03 PM.