It has come to our attention that Biloxi, Mississippi is getting a flying bar at its new Margaritaville resort.
We already have a Margaritaville resort. Where’s our flying bar?
We are sure Biloxi is a lovely city and that its new Margaritaville amusement park is going to be amazing once it’s built. We don’t begrudge the fine people of the Gulf their new boardwalk or Ferris Wheel or bumper cars.
But the Aerobar is a different story. At the Aerobar, the first bar-in-the-sky ride in the country, they will strap you in and take you up 115 feet in the air, according to the Biloxi’s Sun Herald. You spend two minutes going up, five minutes enjoying the view and two minutes going down, all while sipping an adult beverage.
If there was ever a place that deserved a bar where you can drink in the sky, it’s South Florida. Here, adult beverages are something of a religion, like never using your turn signals, Publix chicken tender subs and hating the Marlins.
Putting an Aerobar at our local Margaritaville would be economically feasible, too. Most Floridians can get through about three drinks in nine minutes, so the resort could really rake it in.
But there are other reasons we deserve an Aerobar:
The first successful Margaritaville was opened in Key West. They don’t have an Aerobar there, either. Which is probably for the best, because we’ve seen those tourists stagger down Duval Street and none of them are sober enough not to fall off, straps or no.
Jimmy Buffett lived in the Keys in ancient times
Ancient Parrothead runes have been found on the bottom of many shakers of salt.
That damned song
For more than 40 years we have had that song drilled into our brains at every tiki bar in the land. The least we deserve is a place to drink in the sky.
And yet, we have none. Instead, at our Margaritaville Hollywood Beach Resort, we have the following:
The “Entertainment Zone”
This means you can drink standing directly in front of the resort.
This band shell
Located in the Entertainment Zone, it draws musical acts and a variety of vibrant and colorful individuals in the evenings, some of whom are fond of fighting each other.
Well, at least there’s booze in the blender.
They don’t fly.
This Flow Rider
This looks like work.
These are all lovely amenities, but none of them resembles a bar in the sky. So we’re begging you, Margaritaville. Get us an Aerobar. We promise we’re worthy. And thirsty.