We’ve assembled the Miami version of The Avengers. The universe has never been safer.

Pitbull is Miami's Captain America. Don't argue with us.
Pitbull is Miami's Captain America. Don't argue with us.

“Avengers: Infinity War” sets a new record for the most comic-book characters crammed into a single film. We’ve already seen the movie (because we’re special) and we counted 857 of them.

In the spirit of the old “What If?” Marvel Comics series, we’ve been wondering: What if the characters in “Infinity War” hailed from the 305?

First we need a bad guy: 

Jeter as Thanos


Like Thanos, Jeter wants to get rid of all these extra people. He eliminated Billy the Marlin. He axed the Great Sea Race. His genocide extends to all levels of the Marlins organization. His destruction is almost complete, as he is so close to eliminating all the fans in the stadium.

And now the heroes we all need: 

Pitbull as Captain America

PITBULL as Captain America

Miami created this patriotic super soldier by feeding him a strength serum made of super sweet Cuban coffee, Jupiña and Bacardí.

The Rock as The Hulk

THE ROCK as the Hulk

If you want to see him angry (you don’t want to see him angry), all you have to do is play Tyrese’s album.

Sledgehammer Guy as Thor


No need to cast anyone famous for this role. The anonymous man who delivered some street justice to try and stop a hit-and-run driver from leaving the scene of an accident is already the hero that Miami needs.

Dwyane Wade as Black Panther

DWADE as Black Panther

We just need to give him another dose of that heart-shaped herb so he can get us through a few more seasons. Miami Forever!  

Gabrielle Union as Gamora


Gabrielle Union kicks major ass, just like Gamora. Have you seen the trailer to her new movie? Don’t mess with Gabby.

Dr. Miami as Doctor Strange

DR MIAMI as Dr Strange

Dr. Miami can bend the space/time continuum and take you into a dimension where your butt looks like JLo’s.

David Beckham as Vision

BECKHAM as Vision

He’s the only one with the (Infinity) stones to even suggest putting a soccer stadium in Doral.

DJ Khaled as Groot

DJ KHALED as Groot

All he can say is “Another One.” OK, that and “Bless Up.”

Jeff Bezos as Iron Man

BEZOS as Iron Man

He’s a billionaire inventor who probably already built some Ultra-like robot that wants to destroy us all. And yes, we can claim him because he went to Palmetto High.

Walter Mercado as Scarlet Witch

WALTER MERCADO as Scarlet Witch

We know. He sold his Miami digs. But Walter Mercado will always protect Miami with the power of the zodiac and with mucho, pero mucho, amor.

Graphics by Chloe Herring