“Avengers: Infinity War” sets a new record for the most comic-book characters crammed into a single film. We’ve already seen the movie (because we’re special) and we counted 857 of them.
In the spirit of the old “What If?” Marvel Comics series, we’ve been wondering: What if the characters in “Infinity War” hailed from the 305?
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First we need a bad guy:
Jeter as Thanos
Like Thanos, Jeter wants to get rid of all these extra people. He eliminated Billy the Marlin. He axed the Great Sea Race. His genocide extends to all levels of the Marlins organization. His destruction is almost complete, as he is so close to eliminating all the fans in the stadium.
And now the heroes we all need:
Pitbull as Captain America
Miami created this patriotic super soldier by feeding him a strength serum made of super sweet Cuban coffee, Jupiña and Bacardí.
The Rock as The Hulk
If you want to see him angry (you don’t want to see him angry), all you have to do is play Tyrese’s album.
Sledgehammer Guy as Thor
No need to cast anyone famous for this role. The anonymous man who delivered some street justice to try and stop a hit-and-run driver from leaving the scene of an accident is already the hero that Miami needs.
Dwyane Wade as Black Panther
Gabrielle Union as Gamora
Gabrielle Union kicks major ass, just like Gamora. Have you seen the trailer to her new movie? Don’t mess with Gabby.
Dr. Miami as Doctor Strange
Dr. Miami can bend the space/time continuum and take you into a dimension where your butt looks like JLo’s.
David Beckham as Vision
He’s the only one with the (Infinity) stones to even suggest putting a soccer stadium in Doral.
DJ Khaled as Groot
All he can say is “Another One.” OK, that and “Bless Up.”
Jeff Bezos as Iron Man
He’s a billionaire inventor who probably already built some Ultra-like robot that wants to destroy us all. And yes, we can claim him because he went to Palmetto High.
Walter Mercado as Scarlet Witch
We know. He sold his Miami digs. But Walter Mercado will always protect Miami with the power of the zodiac and with mucho, pero mucho, amor.
Graphics by Chloe Herring