15 Myths About Miami (That Are Not Entirely True)

People who don’t live in Miami think they know the fine people of Miami, but don’t listen to them. They are relying on ancient stereotypes about us that aren’t true at all.

OK, maybe they’re little bit true. But still, don’t believe everything you hear. We’re not as easy to figure out as you think. We have layers! And we don’t mean only when the temps drop below 78 degrees.

Here’s a guide to the myths you’ll hear about Miami that you should be skeptical about.

$100,000 cars, everybody got ’em

Will Smith most certainly got that one wrong. I’m still riding around my 2007 Toyota Yaris.

We all either live in SoBe or are there ALL THE TIME

False. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve even worn a bikini in the past two years. Thanks, croquetas.

Miami women are totally fake

Sure, plastic surgery is a thing, but most of us are au naturel. We can’t afford all those lifts, our rent is $2,000 a month in Kendall.

No one here speaks English

I’m sorry con excuse me, but that’s not entirely accurate.

Everybody is Cuban

Yes, Cubans are a majority, but this gorgeous city is filled with many other ethnicities.

We all speak (and consume cocaine) like Scarface

I have never asked anyone to say hello to my little friend.

We’re still living in the gritty Narcos era

I’m #blessed to say that I’ve never been caught in a firefight in Dadeland Mall. Yet.

Clubbing is our part-time job

In reality, those clubs are mostly restaurants these days, and their patrons aren’t from around here.

The weather here is always beautiful

Yes, we live in “paradise,” but that comes with its healthy amount of thunderstorms and suffocating humidity. The weather in the 305 is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.

We throw hurricane parties

Maybe in olden times, people in Miami did this. These days we rush to Home Depot for plywood, then make sacrifices to the weather gods that the storm hits Tampa instead.

We all have magical access to boats or yachts

In reality, we know a friend of a friend of a friend who rented one just to anchor it off the Haulover sandbar and drink.

Living here is like permanently being on Spring Break

Sure. Spring Break with gridlock, endless construction and rents higher than Snoop.

All of our beverages must include at least one tropical fruit

No, we’re not downing daiquiris like it’s our job. Mostly we drink cafecito.

We’re always late

We do operate on Miami Time, but we’re not always late. Sometimes, we’re really late.

We’re fair-weather sports fans

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve had a ride-or-die Heat, Dolphins or Hurricanes fan scream in my ear or cry on my shoulder about a win or loss, I’d be makin’ it rain… all over South Beach. And no — we don’t really care about the Marlins.

This story was originally published March 21, 2016 at 5:03 AM.