You can learn a lot from these terrifying old Miami Halloween photos

This is the kind of child abuse that went on at Halloween in the 1960s.
This is the kind of child abuse that went on at Halloween in the 1960s. UPI Photo

There are certain truths about Halloween in Miami. It’s always going to be too hot. It’s probably going to rain. And Lincoln Road will still be an overcrowded madhouse but never as much fun as it used to be.

Some constants, though, are positive.

1: Kids love Halloween.

2: Adults love Halloween. Maybe a little too much.

3. You can learn a lot by examining images of Halloweens past.

Here are all the things we learned from these old-timey Miami Halloween photos from our friends at Flashback Miami.

Read more: Here’s where to take the kids for non-scary Halloween fun

Read more: Here’s where to find pumpkin patches in Miami

Bobbing for apples is gross

Halloween Costumes (1950-1969)
1969 AP Wirephoto

We can’t believe people actually used to do this. Literally the most unhygienic game ever invented, and that includes naked Twister. Even if you win, all you get is … an apple.

Those plastic masks were deadly

Halloween Costumes (1950-1969)
1969 Gus Schuettler Miami Herald

Parents apparently didn’t like their kids much in the olden days. Evidence? Those cheap plastic Halloween masks. You couldn’t even see approaching cars or big kids who might swipe your candy. And forget oxygen. This child is crying because she wasn’t able to breathe for half an hour.

Parents were…different back then

Halloween Costumes (1950-1969)
This is the kind of child abuse that went on at Halloween in the 1960s. UPI Photo

You know ’60s parents would totally let their kids walk around the neighborhood wearing real, slimy, vision-obstructing pumpkin heads as long as the grown-ups were left in peace with their martinis and a pack of Kools.

Adults who dress up to give out candy are trying too hard

Halloween Costumes (1950-1969)
1965 Wayne Warren Miami Herald

Stop acting like this holiday is about you and hand over the candy, Nosferatu.

Sometimes costumes were political

Halloween Costumes (1970)
1970 Miami Herald

This guy dressed up like a Miami voter.

A line of little kids in Halloween costumes is terrifying

Halloween Costumes (1970)
1985. Minerva Wagner Miami Herald

There is a serious “Children of the Corn” vibe going on here.

Gore was always popular

Halloween Costumes (1950-1969)
1972 Richard W. Johnson Miami Herald

Didn’t know people reenacted scenes from “Game of Thrones” in the ’70s.

When it rains, make your own fun

Halloween Costumes (1950-1969)
1959. Miami Herald

Some things are funny in perpetuity.

Dressing up like a bunny is lame, and everybody knows it

Halloween Costume (File 2)
10/23/1954, Bill Sanders/Miami Herald Staff: Halloween. Bill Sanders Miami Herald

Thanks for putting me in therapy, Mom.

When you can be Batman? Be Batman

Halloween Costume (File 2)
1989. John R.; Van Beekum Miami Herald

Classics never go out of style.